The Cake I Had

I have no complaints
I have everything I ever wanted
You had a rich husband!
You should've stayed with him
I had a perfect marriage
Beautiful children
Terribly successful marriage
I never had a fight in my life
Ha!

I had a very, very happy, satisfying life
Can't be done
You can't have your cake and eat it too
You can't
Oh yes, I can!
I most certainly did have my cake
And eat it!
Down to the last crumb

What good is cake
You have but never eat?
I never could deny myself a sweet
So I sliced my life
And licked the knife
And ate the cake I had
Can't be done, I'm telling you

Two perfect sons
I thoroughly enjoyed
An absent spouse
And cats to fill the void
And the tri-state's best accompanist
Oh yes, I ate the cake I had

Moist, light
Gaily decorated
Every tasty morsel savored, chewed and masticated
Young, bright, rich and thin and clever
Like a second helping?
Sister, would I ever!

I'll probably be an old maid until I die
I'll sit around with cats the rest of my life
When are you gonna learn, Edie?
You're in this world, you know
You're not out of the world

The days are gone
When money grew on trees
The money tree came down with elm disease
But at my age, ducks
For my two bucks
I'll eat the cake I have - and like it
I'll eat the cake I have

I think the saddest thing was my not marrying
During the war, my best friend
She was a nurse with the Red Cross
She met somebody overseas in a hospital
A Marine
Lost both of his legs at Iwo Jima
Romance was inevitable, really
Given the situation
But I couldn't travel
Mother wasn't well during the war, you see

Gerald Geddes worshipped you!
And those two nice Rockefeller fellas
Horrible, horrible!
Oh, you just didn't want to get married!
Now it's all blamed on me!
I missed out on everything

Gripe, groan
Point the famous finger
Life is disappointing
Put the parent through the wringer
Sulk, moan
Blame it on the mother
When I'm dead and buried
You won't get another

I met a count in Greenwich Village
He was a poet and a playwright
And he said, "Edith, I want to make an honest woman out of you"
I thought that was very decent
He didn't have a nickel in his trousers!
Not a nickel!
Mother despised him
Gave him the pink slip
To think! I could've been a countess
Countess Edith

Enough with all your celebrated loves
You had two hands
You could've modeled gloves
Is it my fault that your cake fell flat?
That you're unmarried, bald and fat?
As the world waltzed by
And Edie said
I ate the cake I had - and loved it!
Oh, I ate the cake I had
No thanks to Daddy
I ate the cake I had
Sometimes I think I have the saddest life