According to Plan

It's a beautiful day
It's a rather nice day
A day for a glorious wedding
A rehearsal, my dear, to be perfectly clear
A rehearsal for a glorious wedding
Assuming nothing happens that we don't really know
That nothing unexpected interferes with the show
And that's why everything, every last little thing
Every single tiny microscopic little thing must go
According to plan
Our son will be married
According to plan
Our family carried
We'll go right into to the heights of society
To the costume balls
In the hallowed halls
Rubbing elbows with the finest
Having crumpets with her highness
We'll be there, we'll be seen, having tea with the queen
We'll forget everything... that we've ever ever been

It's a terrible day
Now don't be that way
It's a terrible day for a wedding
It's a sad, sad state of affairs we're in
That has led to this ominous wedding
How could our family have come to this?
To marry off our daughter to the noveaux-rich
They're so common
So coarse
Oh, it couldn't be worse!
It couldn't be worse? I'm afraid I disagree
It could be land-rich bankrupt aristocracy
Without a penny to their name... just like you... and me
Oh, dear
And that's why everything, every last little thing
Every single tiny microscopic little thing must go
According to plan
Our daughter will wed
According to plan
Our family lead
From the depths of deepest poverty
To the noble realm
Of our ancestors
And who'd have guessed in a million years that our daughter, with the face
Of an otter in disgrace
Would provide our ticket to our rightful place?

What if Victor and I don't... like each other?
Do you suppose your father and I like each other?
Surely you must... a little
Of course not!
Get those corsets laced properly... I can hear you speak without gasping
Marriage is a partnership. A little tit-for-tat
You'd think a lifetime watching us
Might have taught her that
Might have taught her that
Everything must be perfect
Everything must be perfect
Everything must be perfect, perfect
That's why everything, every last little thing
Every single tiny microscopic little thing must go... According to plan!