The Battle of Epping Forest (2007 Stereo Mix)

Along the Forest Road, there's hundreds of cars - luxury cars.
Each has got its load of convertible bars, cutlery cars - super scars!
For today is the day when they sort it out, sort it out,
Cause they disagree on a gangland boundary.
Yes, they disagree on a gangland boundary.

There's Willy Wright and his boys
One helluva noise, that's Billy's boys!
With fully-fashioned mugs, that's Little John's thugs,
The Barking Slugs - super smugs!
For today is the day when they sort it out, sort it out,
These Christian soldiers fight to protect the poor.
East end heroes got to score in

The Battle of Epping Forest,
It's the Battle of Epping Forest,
Right outside your door

And you ain't seen nothing like it
No, you ain't seen nothing like it
Not since the Civil War

Coming over the hill are the boys of Bill
And Johnny's lads stand very still
With the Thumpire's shout, they all start to clout
There's no guns in this gentleman's about
Georgie moves in on the outside left
With a chain flying around his head;
And Harold Demure, from Art Literature
Nips up the nearest tree
(Here come the cavalry!)

Amidst the battle roar
Accountants keep the score: 10-4
They've never been alone, after getting a radiophone
The bluebells are ringing for Sweet meal Sam, real ham
Handing out bread and jam just like any picnic
Picnic, Picnic, Picnic

It's 5 to 4 on William Wright; he made his pile on Derby night
When Billy was a kid, walking the streets
The other kids hid - so they did!
And now, after working hard in security trade, he's got it made
The shops that need aid are those that haven't paid

"I'll do my double-show quick!"
Said Mick the Prick, fresh out the nick
"I sell cheap holiday. The minute they leave
And a visit I pay - does it pay!"
And his friend, Liquid Len by name
Of Wine, Women and Wands Worth fame
Said: "I'm breaking the legs of the bastard that got me framed!
I'm breaking the legs of the bastard that got me framed!"
Got me framed

They called me the Reverend when I entered the Church unstained
My employers have changed but the name has remained

It all began when I went on a tour
Hoping to find some furniture
Followed a sign saying "Beautiful Chest"
It led to a lady who showed me her best
She was taken by surprise when I quickly closed my eyes
So she rang the bell and quick as hell
Bob the Nob came out on his job
To see what the trouble was
"Louise, is the Reverend hard to please?"
"You're telling me!"
"Perhaps, sir, if it's not too late
We could interest you in our old-fashioned Stafford Shire plate?"

"Oh no, not me, I'm a man of repute."
But the Devil caught hold of my soul and a voice called out "Shoot!"

To save my steeple, I visited people;
For this I'd gone when I met Little John
His name came, I understood
When the judge said "You are a robbing hood."
He told me of his strange foundation
Conceived in sight of the Woodstock nation
He'd had to hide his reputation
When poor, it was salvation from door to door
But now, with a pin-up guru every week
It was Love, Peace & Truth Incorporated for all who seek

He employed me as a karma mechanic, with overall charms
His hands were then fit to receive, receive alms

That's why we're in the Battle of Epping Forest
Yes it's the Battle of Epping Forest
Right outside your door

We guard your souls for peanuts
And we guard your shops and houses
For just a little more, just a little more

In with a left hook is the Bethenal Green Butcher
But he's countered on the right by Mick's chain-gang fight
And Liquid Len with his smashed bottle men
Is lobbing Bob the Nob across the gob
With his kisser in a mess, Bob seems under stress
But Jones the Jug hits Len right in the mug;
And Harold Demure, who's still not quite sure
Fires acorns from out of his sling
(Here come the cavalry!)

Up, up above the crowd
Inside their Silver Cloud, done proud
The bold and brazen brass, seen darkly through the glass
The butler's got jam on his Rolls; Roy doles out the lot
With tea from a silver pot just like any picnic
Picnic, Picnic, Picnic

Along the Forest Road, it's the end of the day
And the Clouds roll away
Each has got it's load - they'll come out for the count
At the break-in of day
When the limos return for their final review, it's all through
all they can see is the morning goo

"There's no-one left alive - must be a draw."
So the Black-Cap Barons toss a coin to settle the score