A Little Priest

Seems a downright shame
Shame?
Seems an awful waste
Such a nice, plump frame

Wot's his name has
Had
Has
Nor it can't be traced!

Business needs a lift
Debts to be erased
Think of it as thrift as a gift
If you get my drift, no?

Seems an awful waste
I mean, with the price of meat
What it is? When you get it
If you get it
Hah
Good, you got it

Take for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop
Business never better using only pussycats and toast
And a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most
And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste

Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion
Well, it does seem a waste
Eminently practical
And yet appropriate as always, it's an idea

Mrs. Lovett, how I've lived
Without you all these years, I'll never know
How delectable, also undetectable
Think about it

Lots of other gentlemen'll
Soon be comin' for a shave
Won't they?
Think of all them pies

How choice
How rare

For what's the sound of the world out there?
What, Mr. Todd?
What, Mr. Todd?
What is that sound?

Those crunching noises pervading the air
Yes, Mr. Todd, yes, Mr. Todd
Yes, all around
It's man devouring man, my dear
And then who are we to deny it in here?

These are desperate times
Mrs. Lovett and desperate measures are called for
Here we are, now, hot out of the oven
What is that?

It's priest, have a little priest
Is it really good? Sir, it's too good, at least
Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh
So it's pretty fresh

Awful lot of fat only where it sat
Haven't you got poet, or something like that?
No, y'see, the trouble with poet is
'Ow do you know it's deceased? Try the priest

Heavenly
Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps
But then again
Not as bland as curate, either

And good for business too
Always leaves you wantin' more
Trouble is
We only get it on Sundays

Lawyer's rather nice
If it's for a price
Order something else, though to follow
Since no one should swallow it twice

Anything that's lean
Well then, if you're British and loyal
You might enjoy Royal Marine
Anyway, it's clean

Though of course it tastes of wherever it's been
Is that squire on the fire?
Mercy, no sir, look closer
You'll notice it's grocer

Looks thicker, more like vicar
No, it has to be grocer, it's green

The history of the world, my love
Save a lot of graves
Do a lot of relatives favors
Is those below serving those up above

Everybody shaves
So there should be plenty of flavors
How gratifying for once to know
That those above will serve those down below

Now let's see, here we've got tinker
Something pinker
Tailor? Paler, Butler? Subtler
Potter? Hotter, Locksmith?

Lovely bit of clerk
Maybe for a lark

Then again there's sweep
If you want it cheap
And you like it dark
Try the financier, peak of his career

That looks pretty rank
Well, he drank, it's a bank
Cashier, never really sold
Maybe it was old
Have you any Beadle?

Next week, so I'm told
Beadle isn't bad till you smell it and
Notice 'ow, well, it's been greased
Stick to priest

Now then, this might be a little bit stringy
But then of course it's fiddle player
No, this isn't fiddle player, it's piccolo player
'Ow can you tell? It's piping hot then blow on it first

The history of the world, my sweet
Oh, Mr. Todd, ooh, Mr. Todd
What does it tell?
Is who gets eaten, and who gets to eat

And, Mr. Todd, too, Mr. Todd
Who gets to sell
But fortunately, it's also clear
That, but everybody goes down well with beer

Since marine doesn't appeal to you
'Ow about rear admiral?
Too salty, I prefer general
With or without his privates? 'With' is extra

What is that? It's fop
Finest in the shop
And we have some shepherd's pie peppered
With actual shepherd on top

And I've just begun
Here's the politician, so oily
It's served with a doily
Have one, put it on a bun
Well, you never know if it's going to run

Try the friar
Fried, it's drier
No, the clergy is really
Too coarse and too mealy

Then actor, that's compacter
Yes, and always arrives overdone
I'll come again
When you have judge on the menu

Wait, true, we don't have judge yet
But we've got something you might fancy even better
What's that? Executioner

Have charity towards the world, my pet
Yes, yes, I know, my love
We'll take the customers that we can get
High-born and low, my love

We'll not discriminate great from small
No, we'll serve anyone
Meaning anyone
And to anyone at all