How to Write a Song

How to write a song
How to write a song
How to write a song
How to write a song
How to write a song

Now, if you write it on guitar
Place your guitar upon your knee
If you write it on piano
Don't do that

Place your fingers on the strings
Of your guitar, not your piano
If you write it on piano
Don't do that

Now, strum or press together feeling
This might take a little time, yeah
Now, think of something sad or something funny
Which inevitably brings us to the rhyme

Let's assume you're just an asshole
And there's nothing in your pain
It might help if you remember
These helpful little hints

Don't try to rhyme "samba"
With anything, yeah
That goes for "homage"
As well

But notice how cleverly
I just used them both
And all I have to do
Is rhyme well

You've got to be tricky
'Cause to avoid these words takes talent
So never, ever trap yourself like that
Or you'll end up saying words like
Uh, balent or falent
Or dalent or
Oh, well I'm sure you'll catch on fast

Now, some tips on tempo
And some subjects to avoid
Like the use of the word "bandit"
Unless you really have to say it

That's for tempo
And if you say "time"
That's strictly up to you
Because that depends on how you play it

Now, let's do once
Now, think of a rhyme
That's it, you're doing fine
Think of the good time
We just had together

If you practice these instructions
On the board of some new sale
If you listen very carefully
I'm sure you'll shout it there

I said shout
Shout it
Why, heh-heh, that rhymes with talent
That takes talent
That is talent
Oh, my God
Shout it again
Oh, oh, oh
Shout it rhymes with talent, uh
That takes talent, uh-huh-huh
That is talent
Oh
I cannot stand it
Woah
Oh-ah-oh
Ah-ah-oh
Ah, talent
Now, do it again
Whoa, whoa