Classified

I's thumbin' through the want ads in the Shelby County Tribune
When this classified advertisement caught my eye
It said, "Take immediate delivery on this '57 Chevrolet half-ton pickup truck
Will sell or swap for a hide-a-bed and 35 bucks
Call one-four-oh, ring two, and ask for Bob"

Well, I called Bob up on the telephone, he says, "Hello, this is Bob speaking"
I says, "This here the Bob got the pickup truck for sale?"
He says, "Yeah," I says, "Where are ya?"
He says, "14 east on County 12, turn right on the one-lane gravel road
You can park in the yard, beware of the dog, wipe your feet off
Knock three times, and bring your billfold"

Well, I tooled on east on County 12
Turned right on the one-lane gravel road and I parked in the yard
And a German shepherd come out and grabbed onto my leg
Then I knocked three times and wiped my feet
The dog let go and the screen door opened and Bob come out and says
"What do ya want?" I says, "Come to see your truck"
He says, "Follow me, come on, Frank" (dog's name is Frank)

Well, we all went past the chicken house
Through the hog pen, down to the tractor shed
And then wound up in back of the barn in a field of cowpies
And sittin' right there in a pool of grease
Was a half-ton Chevy pickup truck with a 1960 licence plate
A bumper sticker says, "Vote for Dick" and a Brillo box full of rusty parts
And Bob says, "What do ya think?"

Well, I kicked the tire and I got in the seat and set on a petrified apple core
And found a bunch of field mice livin' in the glove compartment
He says, "Her shaft is bent and her rear end leaks
You can fix her quick with an oily rag, use a nail as a starter, I lost the key
Don't pay no mind to that whirrin' sound
She use a little oil, but outside of that, she's cherry"

I says, "What'll take?" He says, "What've you got?"
I says, "28 dollars and 15 cents," he says, "You got a deal, sign here
I'll go get the title and a can full of gas"
I put the nail in the slot and fired 'er up
She coughed and belched up a bunch of smoke
And I backed her right through the hog pen into the yard

Well, Frank jumped in and bit my leg and I beat him off with a crowbar
He jumped on out and the door fell off and the left front tire went flat
I jacked it up and patched the tube and Frank tore a piece of my shirt off
Then Bob come out and called him off and says
"You better get on out of here"

I went left on the one-lane gravel road, went 14 west on County 12
Took two full quarts of 40-weight oil just to get her to the Conoco station
And I pulled up to the Regular pump, and then Harold Sykes and his kid come out
He says, "I've seen better stuff at junkyards and where'd you ever get that truck?"

I says, "That's a long story, Harold
I's thumbin' through the want ads in the Shelby County Tribune
When this classified advertisement caught my eye
It said, "Take immediate delivery on this '57 Chevrolet half-ton pickup truck
Will sell or swap for a hide-a-bed and 35 bucks
Call one-four-oh, ring two, and ask for Bob"
Well, I called Bob up on the telephone