Wolf Creek Pass

Me an' Earl was haulin' chickens
On the flatbed out of Wiggins
And we'd spent all night
On the uphill side
Of thirty-seven miles of Hell
Called Wolf Creek Pass
Which is up on the Great Divide

We was settin' there suckin' toothpicks
An' drinkin' Nehis and onion soup mix
And I says: "Earl, let's mail a card to mother
And then send them chickens
On down to the other side
Yeah, let's give 'em a ride"

Wolf Creek Pass
Way up on the Great Divide
Truckin' on down the other side

Well, Earl put down his bottle
Mashed his foot down on the throttle
And then a couple a boobs
With a thousand cubes
Within a nineteen-forty-eight Peterbilt
Screamed to life
We woke up the chickens

We roared up offa that shoulder
Sprayin' pine cones, rocks, and boulders
And put four hundred head
Of them Rhode Island Reds
And a couple a' burnt-out roosters on the line
Look out below
'Cause here we go!

Wolf Creek Pass
Way up on the Great Divide
Truckin' on down the other side

Well, we commenced ta truckin'
And them hens commenced ta cluckin'
And then Earl took out a match
And scratched his pants
And lit up the unused half of a dollar cigar
And took a puff
Says: "My, ain't this pretty up here?!"

I says: "Earl, this hill can spill us
You better slow down
Or you gonna kill us"

"Just make one mistake
And it's the Pearly Gates
For them eighty-five crates
Of USDA-approved cluckers
You wanna hit second?"

Wolf Creek Pass
Way up on the Great Divide
Truckin' on down the other side

Well, Earl grabbed on the shifter
And he stabbed her into fifth gear
And then the chromium-plated
Fully-illuminated
Genuine accessory shift knob
Come right off in his hand
I says: "You wanna screw that thing back on, Earl?"

He was tryin' to thread it on there
When the fire fell offa his cigar
And dropped on down
Sorta rolled around
And then lit in the cuff of Earl's pants
And burned a hole in his sock
Yeah, sorta set him right on fire

I looked on outta the window
And I started countin' phone poles
Goin' by at the rate of four to the seventh power
Well I put two and two together
And added twelve and carried five
And come up with twenty-two thousand
Telephone poles an hour

I looked at Earl and his eyes was wide
His lip was curled
And his leg was fried
And his hand was froze to the wheel
Like a tongue to a sled
In the middle of a blizzard

I says: Earl, "I'm not the type to complain
But the time has come for me to explain
That if you don't apply some brake real soon
They're gonna have to pick us up
With a stick and a spoon"

Well, Earl reared back
And cocked his leg
Stepped down as hard as he could on the brake
And the pedal went clear to the floor
And stayed right there on the floor
And he says it was sorta like steppin' on a plum

Well, from there on down
It just wasn't real pretty
It was hairpin county
And switchback city
One of 'em looked like a can fulla worms
Another one looked like malaria germs

Right in the middle of the whole damn show
Was a real nice tunnel
Now wouldn't you know?

Sign says clearance to the twelve-foot line
But the chickens was stacked to thirteen-nine
Well we shot that tunnel at a hundred-and-ten
Like gas through a funnel and eggs through a hen

We took that top row of chickens off
Slicker than scum off a Louisiana swamp

Went down and around and around and down
We run outta ground at the edge of town
Bashed into the side of a feed store
In downtown Pagosa Springs

Wolf Creek Pass
Way up on the Great Divide
Truckin' on down the other side
Wolf Creek Pass
Way up on the Great Divide
Truckin' on down the other side