If You Must (lp version)

It's important to practice good hygiene
At least if you wanna run with my team
I'm 'bout to get into some shit that I've seen
This fool's breath hummin' so bad it'll melt your ice cream
They say don't say nothing if you can't say nice things
Sittin' too close to him on BART, like my eyes sting
I try to be subtle, hand him a stick of gum
I was a victim of breath on hum
Running his yap about what sets he from
Gotta get some gum, gotta gets him some
He turned it down, his teeth was brown
Excruciating, foreign, it was a new sensation
I had to ask the dope to pass the soap
'Cause his coat had the stench of crustaceans
Or bathrooms in a bus station
He had a can of Olde E and some raisins
Amazing... head to toe B.O
He didn't know, used to the fragrance
'Cause as the days went without bathing
He felt manly and not like a maiden
He had one dread, and fungus
Said he worked on peoples' toilets with plungers
Girls, not the guy you would want to tongue ya
So guys take your cue from this little number

You gotta wash your ass, if you must
You gotta wash your hair, if you must
You gotta brush your teeth, if you must
Or else you'll be funky

You gotta wash your ass, if you must
You gotta wash your hair, if you must
You gotta brush your teeth, if you must
Or else you'll be funky
"To wash up"

Now in class you need total concentration
But there's kids in the back holding conversations
Crackin' on each other, and neither were poster boys
Both of 'em smell like the type that soap avoid
Coast enjoyed a leave of absence
One's fool's feet smelled like it struck some matchsticks
Brimstone, girls would never bring him home
I was laughin', then his friend raised his tone
And said, "Bud, you earled all over yourself" "yeaaah"
I go so deep on your ass, you'll be submerged
Like you need to do in water 'cause you smell like a turd
Wanna cap? Get some courage, your feet smell lurid
Go look it up, and while you're at it, get a cup
And squeeze the sweat out your sweatshirt and drink it or gargle
You get our vote for most stinkiest
That nigga started thinkin' of shit, said I was frail
I said he was stale
Underarms is ripe
Undergarments tight, about to leap out your holey sweats
And we holdin' bets, and after this I'm gonna collect
Nigga check, yourself

Respect yourself
And wash your mothafuckin body 'fore your sweatshirt melt
Like radioactive, no lady find you attractive
The funk got you captive
You don't need a map, bitch

You gotta wash your ass, if you must
You gotta wash your hair, if you must
You gotta brush your teeth, if you must
Or else you'll be funky
"To wash up"
You gotta wash your ass, if you must
You gotta wash your hair, if you must
You gotta brush your teeth, if you must
Or else you'll be funky
"To wash up"
"Had some soap on my face"