Dentist!

When I was younger, just a bad little kid
My mama noticed funny things I did
Like shootin' puppies with a BB gun
I'd poison guppies, and when I was done
I'd find a pussycat and bash in it's head
That's when my mama said
(What did she say?)

She said, "My boy, I think someday
You'll find a way
To make your natural tendencies pay
You'll be a dentist (You'll be a dentist)
You have a talent for causin' things pain (Pain)
Son, be a dentist (Son, be a dentist)
People will pay you to be inhumane (Inhumane)
Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood
And teaching would suit you still less
Son, be a dentist
You'll be a success!"

Here he is folks, the leader of the plaque!
Watch him suck up that gas, oh my god!
He is a dentist and he'll never ever be any good
Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis de Sade?

Oh, that hurts! Wait, I'm not numb!
Oh, shut up
Open wide, here I come!
I am your dentist (Goodness gracious)
And I enjoy the career that I picked (Love it)
I am your dentist (Fitting braces)
And I get off on the pain I inflict (Really love it)

I thrill when I drill a bicuspid (Bicuspid)
It's swell though they tell me I'm maladjusted (Dentist)
And though it may cause my patients distress (Distress)
Somewhere, somewhere in heaven above me
I know, I know, that my mama's proud of me
Oh, mama?

'Cause I'm a dentist, and a success!
Say ah! (Ah)
Say ah! (Ah)
Say ah! (Ah)
Now spit!