Yellow Lasers

I met her at the Star Wars convention
did I mention, she was looking for love?
Had to call her bluff, lady you don't mean how that sounded
(that thousand-pound dude in the "no fat chicks" shirt's astounded)
thought she'd take it back, revoke, rewind, rescind, retract.
"Ya heard me," she said, "I'll take any man here
to descend to the cave where you conquer the fear
and I'll steer you to side of the force you choose.
Somebody's man enough here — now who?"
This girl, you have to understand,
would not look out of place on the arm of an attractive man.
So the geeks in attendance got jaws on the floor. One extends his
saber but he tripped on his cloak. I stepped to the front then I spoke
"I ain't spittin' game, look I got a Wookiee hat on,
but these guys here are used to gettin' spat on
by girls, see you put 'em in shock.
And this ain't the right con' to quote Mister Spock
but it's highly illogical to me."
Girl looked me in the eye, said "Is your mind free?"

'cause I've got somethin' for you
it is shiny, it is clean.
Come on up and I'll adore you
with my yellow laser beam.

Sittin' in the room upstairs,
watchin' her wind up the buns in her hair
I declare that I'd like to be Luke,
unless that's a bit too perverted for you.
Well, I could be Jabba, a Jawa, an Ewok, when we talk "Oo la ga blee bla!"
Wait — I've seen all the flicks, all the books that I read,
I don't recall any character tied to the bed
but that's all right,
I'm 'a just pretend that I'm encased in carbonite.
Why that's a nice gold bikini, you make that?
Shows off what you got, no mistake.
That's one fine view of Chewbacca you're givin' me
lower that down here, we'll be living the
linguistic lifestyle of the protocol droid.
(Then comes the part where I'm not overjoyed.)
"Fire!" she said, and before I could scream
got a steaming mouth full of yellow laser beam.

'cause I've got somethin' for you
it is shiny, it is clean.
Come on up and I'll adore you
with my yellow laser beam.

'cause I've got somethin' for you
it is shiny, it is clean.
Come on up and I'll adore you
with my yellow laser beam.