My Fair Lady: Why Can't the English?

Look at her!
A prisoner of the gutters,
Condemned by every syllable she utters.
By right she should be taken out and hung,
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue.

Aaoooww!

Aaoooww!
Heavens, What a sound!
This is what the British population
Calls an elementary education.

Oh, come, sir, I think you picked a poor example.

Did I?
Hear them down in Soho Square,
Dropping "h's" everywhere.
Speaking English anyway they like.
You sir, did you go to school?

Wadaya tike me for, a fool?

No one taught him 'take' instead of 'tike!
Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse,
Hear a Cornishman converse.
I'd rather hear a choir singing flat.
Chickens, cackling in a barn, just like this one

Gaaarn.

Gaaarn.
I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that?
It's "aoow" and "gaarn" that keep her in her place,
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face.

Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
This verbal class distinction, by now,
Should be antique.
If you spoke as she does, sir,
Instead of the way you do,
Why, you might be selling flowers, too!

I beg your pardon, sir!

An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him,
The moment he talks he makes some other Englishman despise him.
One common language I'm afraid we'll never get.
Oh, why can't the English learn to

Set a good example to people whose
English is painful to your ears?
The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears.
There even are places where English completely disappears.

Well, in America, they haven't used it for years!
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
Norwegians learn Norwegian;
The Greeks are taught their Greek.
In France, every Frenchman knows

His language from "A" to "Zed"
The French never care what they do, actually,
As long as they pronounce it properly.

Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning.
And Hebrews learn it backwards,
Which is absolutely frightening.

But use proper English you're regarded as a freak.
Why can't the English,
Why can't the English learn to speak?