I Gave Up Wanking

I gave up wankin this mornin
I never thought that I could
I'm feelin better already
And this time I'm off it for good
When I first wanked I thought I was so clever
And all of me mates, they were mugs
Thought I was the first bloke here on earth
Who'd ever played with his slug
It was me own little secret
And I never told anyone
And the feelin I got the first time I shot
Was like chooks flyin out of me bum
So I'm givin up wankin tomorra
I never thought that I could
Then I won't get these bad headaches
And then I'll be off it for good
I've wanked in some unlikely places
A shower, the beach and the pool
A dunny, a tram and the pictures
And biology classes at school
And once me grandmother caught me
Wankin meself in me room
But to her surprise, I just shut me eyes
And imagined her standin their nude
So I'm givin up wankin next Tuesday
I never thought that I could
Then I won't squint like I do now
And then I'll be off it for good
Me dad says It's gonna take willpower
There really is no easy trick
I honestly thought I'd need surgery
To help get me hand off me dick
Me dad's been a great inspiration
He really has been a great help
He knows what I go through
And just what to do
Cause he give it up yesty himself
So I'm givin up wankin next Friday
I never thought that I could
And I'll throw away me thick glasses
And then I'll be off it for good
So if ya say you don't wank you're a liar
And a fool if you say that you do
So next time you see Prince Charles on TV
Remember he wanks himself too
So I'm givin up wankin on Sunday
I never thought that I could
And I'll throw away me dark glasses
And then I'll be off it for good
I'm givin up wankin come Christmas
I never thought that I could
And I'll sell me dog and me white cane
And then I'll be off it for good