My Friend Tom

Last time I spoke to my friend Tom
he told me 'bout a holiday he went on
He said he needed to get away so he went to Turkey on a holiday
He didn't have a passport so he borrowed one
And a friend he gave him his with a haw and a Hum
Tom he said look don't you worry mate
'cause we all look the same to them at any rate

My friend Tom don't mince his words he told me the story as it occured
He said he needed to get away and so he went to Turkey on a holiday
My friend Tom's one hell of a dude
But he's a little bit loud and he's a little bit crude
He don't have a lot of finesse
But of all the friend's I got he is the best

He arrived in the bar in London Heathrow
He wanted a drink before the plane was set to go
He bought a bottle of whiskey and six cans of Red Stripe
He hid them in his pockets then he boarded his flight
Now on the way over he decided to try
To start a little club that he called mile high
The flight crew said look you gotta relax
'cause if not the pilot says we're turning back

My friend Tom don't mince his words told me the story as it occured
Said he needed to get away so he went to Turkey on a holiday
My friend Tom's one hell of a dude
But he's a little bit loud and he's a little bit crude
He don't have a lot of finesse but of
all the friend's I've got he is the best

When they finally arrived in a hotel complex
Tom made his way into the discotheque
By this time he said he felt very aroused
So he ordered a drink and he started to prowl
The lights were low and it was hard to see
And when he put his hand upon somebody's knee
Suddenly he was knocked to the floor
Then he found himself been thrown out the door

My friend Tom don't mince his words
He told me the story as it occured he said he needed to Get away
So he went to Turkey on a holiday
My friend Tom's one hell of a dude but he's
a little bit loud and he's a little bit crude
He don't Have a lot of finesse
But of all the friend's I've got he is the best

About my friend Tom well I'll tell you one thing
I suspect deep down that he's really right wing
He says the Turks is a whole lotta fun
but he don't want them in the European Union
If you meet Tom you might ask why he's got a scar above his right eye
And if you're lucky he'll talk to you about his adventures in Istanbul

My friend Tom don't mince his words
He told me the story as it occured he said he needed to get away
So he went to Turkey on a holiday
My friend Tom's one hell of a dude
But he's a little bit loud and he's a little bit crude
He don't have a lot of finesse but of
all the friend's I've got he is the best

And now I've come to the end of my song
About holidays in Turkey and my friend Tom
Sometimes I think it's happy and sometimes I think it's sad
But I think about it everytime I see a kebab

My friend Tom don't mince his words he told me the story as it occured
He said he needed to get away so he went to Turkey on a holiday
My friend Tom's one hell of a dude but he's
a little bit loud and he's a little bit crude
He don't have a lot of finesse
But of all the friend's I've got he is the best

My friend Tom don't mince his words told me the story as it occured
Said he needed to get away so he went to Turkey on a holiday
My friend Tom's one hell of a dude
But he's a little bit loud and he's a little bit crude
He don't have a lot of finesse but of
all the friend's I've got he is the best

My friend Tom's one hell of a dude
My friend Tom's one hell of a dude
My friend Tom's one hell of a dude
My friend Tom's one hell of a dude
My friend Tom