Apology

I am still sleeping.
As we walk through the city,
Our hands turning red and our breath,
Leaves a mark on the sky that is too bright
From all the sky scrapers.
And I hold you back from the speeding cars
Going no where, for nothing, for no one. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I keep saying that I'm sorry,
I know it's strange.
Strange in a George W. Bush hasn't been assassinated yet kind of way.
But I say I'm sorry for stupid shit
And trivial things.
And she sings the sweet logic that apologies should grow like trees,
Only able to bear fruit of its root is planted in the soil of genuine sincerity.
But I somehow manage to parity each apology by speaking it before I act,
And the fact is, I'm not really sorry that I completely dig Degrassi,
Because it was Yick and Arthur who got me through wet dreams and puberty.

Lady, I don't expect you to understand the reference,
But i've been into this shit ever since the casting director said,
"Fuck physicality, give me som reality.
Give me kids that can't act and are ugly,
They'll teach the world about beauty."
Lady, I can relate to this,
Because before I met you I used to want to lock myself into a vault just to feel precious.
But now with every kiss, hello and goodbye, I feel a self worth no banker can tally.
And my heart is a protest that I let rally against my ribs,
'Cause I want to build my bones into cribs and lay my reluctance to rest.
Test what it would be like to live phonetically,
To hold you unapologetically,
To plant a giving tree on my front lawn so that when you're gone, it can give you back to me

And I'm sorry,
That when you sleep next to me that you're forced to listen to the symphony of the unplugged nostril.
And I'm sorry that one time, for some reason, I called you "Ma'am",
That's fucked up.
Fucked up in a "I just bought a pair of speedos so i can go swimming with you" kind of way.
And crazier than that is the fact that I'll play at being brave,
Because doubt is about as useful as a fire escape when you're trying to doge a tidal wave.
When you got no time to save anybody but yourself,
You better believe that you're worth it.
And you are the time it takes to take the time to get to know you.

We've managed to muddle through the awkward stage of
"I like you and do you like me", but when we both said yes
Life became a multiple choice test.
Not knowing anything we became each other's best guess.
And holding your hand is less like exploration and more like discovery.
Lady, I don't have to study you to be sure,
You're the choice I made before I knew what the other choices were. It was made easy,
From the sham that we saw
Full of pretense and low-grade suggestions.
I want you sweetly,
A world full of hopes
With a brightness of all our convictions. And like the best idea I'll ever have, I want you to occur to me daily.
And I'm sorry, but I want to kiss you every time you have something incredible to say,
But you're beautiful, beautiful in a you kind of way.
You're like the long lost vinyl of Louis Armstrong,
And I want to play you until it, until it, until it,
I want to pl-, pl-, play you until it, until it ski-, until it ski-,
I want to play you until it skips.
I want to tell you a secret and I want you to listen with your lips.
I want my hands on your hips like they were their final resting place
And then put that funeral onto paper so you can trace their life time back to the fact
That I'm more inclined to find a place in your heart to haunt for as long as you want me too.
Lady, I'll rattle chains up and down the halls of you.

And this isn't the greatest romance the world has ever seen,
Let's face it, we've been making out to songs about break-up and heart ache.
But I've come to realize that romance should be less like a flower and more like an earthquake,
And I'm not saying that I want to shake cities to the ground,
I'm not saying that I want the rubble that remains to become a lost and found
That we find the kind of tolerance to rebuild in the face of tragedy,
'Cause I'm tired of living in a world that says people only come together when faced with catastrophe.

I want you to want me to be the me that you see when I'm free to be the me that got you next to me,
And as for romance, well, I want that too.
I want to fall asleep next to you one hundred times a night so I can know you one hundred times better before we hit the day light,
And in spite of all of this, I also want amnesia
So that I can relive each kiss with a perfect newness that leaves me smashed in the arms of rapture.
I want the sky to fracture under the impossible weight of an apology
'Cause I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I want so much.
I'm sorry that I've been using "I'm sorry" as a crutch to lean on for so long,
But if you sing me that song of sweet logic again,
Then I promise to make the effort to stand on my own.

There's a reason that our hearts are more like a muscle and less like a bone.
I've known so many people who've grown up flexing it in front of a mirror
As if falling for their own reflection would be adequate,
And that's bullshit, because we only get from now until the time we go,
And if they've only got time to love themselves then no one's going to be around to heard the sound of their heartbeat echo.
So lady, don't expect an apology when I tell you, I'm only held together by a heart that pumps glue
It's the strongest muscle in my body, and I'm flexing it for you.
I am still sleeping,
As we walk through the city,
Our hands turning red,
And breath leaves a mark on the sky that is too bright
From all the sky scrapers.
And I hold you back from the speeding cars,
Going no where, for nothing, for no one.