Like a Boss

Mr. Samberg, thanks for coming to your performance review
No problem
So you're in charge around here, is that fair to say?
Absolutely, I'm the boss
Okay, so take us through a day in the life of "the boss"
Well the first thing I do is

Talk to corporate (like a boss)
Approve memos (like a boss)
Lead a workshop (like a boss)
Remember birthdays (like a boss)
Direct workflow (like a boss)
My own bathroom (like a boss)
Micromanage (like a boss)
Promote synergy (like a boss)

Hit on Debra (like a boss)
Get rejected (like a boss)
Swallow sadness (like a boss)
Send some faxes (like a boss)
Call a sex line (like a boss)
Cry deeply (like a boss)
Demand a refund (like a boss)
Eat a bagel (like a boss)

Harassment lawsuit (like a boss)
No promotion (like a boss)
Fifth of vodka (like a boss)
Shit on Debra's desk (like a boss)
Buy a gun (like a boss)
In my mouth (like a boss)
Oh fuck, man, I can't fucking do it, shit!

Pussy out (like a boss)
Puke on Debra's desk (like a boss)
Jump out the window (like a boss)
Suck a dude's dick (like a boss)
Score some coke (like a boss)
Crash my car (like a boss)
Suck my own dick (like a boss)
Eat some chicken strips (like a boss)

Chop my balls off (like a boss)
Blackout in the sewer (like a boss)
Meet a giant fish (like a boss)
Fuck its brains out (like a boss)
Turn into a jet (like a boss)
Bomb the Russians (like a boss)
Crash into the sun (like a boss)
Now I'm dead (like a boss)

Uh-huh, so, that's an average day for you then?
No doubt
You chop your balls off and die?
Hell yeah
And I think at one point there you said something about sucking your own dick?
Nope
Actually, I'm pretty sure you did
Nah, that ain't me

Okay, well, this has been eye-opening for me
I'm the boss
Yeah no, I got that, you said it about four hundred times
I'm the boss
Yeah, yeah, I got it
I'm the boss
Oh, I heard you, see you later

Like a boss