If I Can't Sell It, I'll Keep Sittin' On It

I own a secondhand furniture store and I think my prices are fair, Course this real cheap guy I know came in one day. Saw this chair he wanted to buy, but he wouldn't, claimed the price was too high. So I looked straight in the eye, and this was my reply... If I can't sell it, I'm gonna sit down on it. I ain't gonna give it away. Now darling if you want it, you're gonna have to buy it. And I mean just what I say. Now how would you like to find this waitin at home for you every night. Only been used once or twice but it's still nice and TIGHT! Whoa... So if I can't sell it, I'm gonna keep sittin on it. I ain't gonna give it away. Now you can't find a better pair of legs in town and a back like this, huh, not for miles around. And that is why if I can't sell it, I'm going to recline upon it. Why should I give it away? Because it's made for comfort, built for wear and tear. Where else could you find such an easy chair! Haa... Whoa... If I can't sell it, darling I'm gonna sit down on it. I don't see the need to give it away. Because it's lush, plush, slick and sleak. Darling, a high class speech like this at any price is cheap! So if I can't sell it, I'm gonna sit back down on it. Why should I give it away? Now look at this nice bottom, ain't it easy on the eye, guaranteed to support any weight or size! Whoa... If I can't sell it, I'm just gonna keep sittin on it. Don't ask me to give it away. Now, I have really had my fill of folks always comin around with their hands stuck out, wantin something, don't want to give up nothing. Now if you want this, put your hand in your stash and give me some cash. Now if you want something for free, go to the Salvation Army, don't come runnin to me. Now this is not Saint Paul's place, this is Ruth's place. Read my lips. NO FREE TRIPS! And you can look at me and see I have not been starvin darling. Now I have a few daimonds that I haven't even taken off to dust lately. Now you are not getting anything around here for free. Show me the color of your money.
GOODBYE!
5 min 20 sec