Dear Summer

goodbye/
I hate that word/
I wish it were a lie/please know I love you 'til the day I die/
I've cried enough for both of us this time/these walls have won/can't bring you back to life/
I hate how I'm supposed to live/my life with you outside/
I can't stop crying/and now you've turned into a ghost/you haunt my mind/and I/can't stop our world from dying/baby goodbye
V1 dear summer/
I'm so tired/
I haven't slept right in months now/these living conditions are miserable/and baby/all I ever wanna do is kiss you/all I ever wanna do is come home baby/these other inmates are driving me crazy/it's so loud/and when I close my eyes to sleep/all I hear is the sound/of these people/and some of them are so f**king crazy/that I don't really know how they operate daily/
I don't know if I can call this an existence/something's lurking in my mind/
I hear whispers/
I'm in hell/when I'm awake/and when I go to sleep/
I feel demons in my cell/and even when I dream/there's an evil/ I can tell/that there's something on the fringes/the tips of these syringes/and when I think about what you must have gone through/
I pray to God that he keeps you and loves you/coz I can't do either of those/from where I am baby/it's like I'm dead and I'm a ghost/to think that you had to bury your dad/
I couldn't be there to hold your hand/
I loved him too baby/
I know he's proud watching you now/yeah looking down little lady/remember when they first let me go to the hospital/and you told me later/you were there behind the glass/
I swear that I could feel you/but they wouldn't let me ask/if I could hold you for a second/and he was dying in my arms/
I never told you/your daddy looked at me and smiled/
I never forget that moment/but now it's like I'm losing you another way/
I feel it rolling off your tongue/but I refuse to let you say

V2 dear summer/
I haven't heard from you in a while now/is everything ok?/
I got the email you sent a couple months ago/
I'm glad the music's going well/
I'm glad you're on your way/
I'm glad you found your rhythm/and you're back up on your feet/you never were the type to be accepting of defeat/
I sleep/a little easier now you're doing fine/it puts my soul to rest/takes a little off my mind/don't worry about me baby/
I'm O.
K./
I think back to that day/when I walked into the bank and didn't know that I was there/and the gun was in my hand/
I didn't know how it appeared/the lady started screaming/so I started screaming too/woke up two days later/with 6 thousand in my shoe/and how I got the money/
I don't really have a clue/
I thought you left it for me/like something you would do/
I drove myself to rehab/and checked myself in there/for the first time in a month/that I was seeing crystal clear/remember how many clinics told me I wasn't eligible?/"too broke"/"live too far away"/those f**king crooks/and that judge handed down 10 years like what?/like he was giving away detention/and you were in the court/with your papers/and your suit/trying to plead the case/baby/like it was everything you know/every fibre of your being/it was you who pulled me through/even though we lost the case/
I saw what you would do/
I saw you give your blood/work your knuckles to the bone/trying to bring me back/but I ain't never coming home/
I'm gone/and if I come/
I'm coming back a different man/you don't want this baby/and now I understand/
I love you 'til the day I f**king die/but for now/baby/it's time to say goodbye
V3
Dear summer/
I got your letters/
I agree with everything you said/
I'll sign the papers/baby you are free/and know that what you do/it's all ok by me/and even though thinking about you with another man/makes me go wanna insane/like I can't even f**king stand/makes me wanna grab my hair/and pull it out my head/then rip open these bars and fly to you again/it's my fault that I'm here/it's not on you/so go ahead baby/shine like you do/show this planet/what it means to a star/you supported me in here/so I'll support you where you are/but please don't come and see me/coz it shatters up my soul/when you come and I can't touch you/then I have to let you go/
I did it in the past but I can't do it anymore/it cuts me up inside/and it shakes me to the core/when you come/it's like I'm me again/and that's a dangerous thing/coz I can't be me in here/
I got shed my humanity/
I gotta become a part of the system/so I can live in the system/so I don't die in the system/baby I'm tired/
I ain't got no more resistance/there ain't no God in here that wants to listen/so part of me is dead/and I've acknowledged that he's missing/so talk to God for me/tell him "
Lord I say forgive me"/
I try to do myself/but I don't think he ever hears me/he's muted out by the screams of all these people/a layer of sickness/and of darkness/and of evil/and even though the devil is breathing in my ear/and he wants to keep me cloaked in the servitude of fear/
I fear no evil/there's none of that inside/
I feel the goodness in me/so to him/
I say goodbye