The Best of Times

It's been a long and lonely trip but I'm glad I took it
'Cause it was well worth it
Got to read a couple books and do some research
Before I reached my verdict

Never thought that I was perfect
Always thought that I had a purpose
I used to wonder if I'd live to see my first kiss

The most difficult thing that I did
Was recite my own words at a service
Realizing the person I was addressing
Probably wasn't looking down from heaven

Or cooking up something in hell's kitchen
Trying to listen in or eaves drop through some other dimension
It was self serving, just like this is

Conveniently religious
On Easter Sunday and on Christmas
The television went from being a babysitter to a mistress

Technology made it easy
For us to stay in touch while keeping a distance
'Til we just stayed distant and never touched
Now all we do is text too much

I don't remember much from my youth
Maybe my memory is repressed
Or I just spent too much time wondering if I'd live to have sex

Fell in love for the first time in fourth grade
But I didn't have the courage to talk to her
In eighth grade, I wrote the note and slipped it in somebody else's locker

Considered killing myself 'cause of that
It was a big deal, it was a blown cover
It was over for me, my goose was cooked
Stick a fork in me, the jig is up

Blew my chances, the rest is history
Our future was torn asunder
It became abundantly clear I was only brought here to suffer

At least I didn't include my name
Thankfully, I wrote the whole note in code
And it had 10 layers of scotch tape safety seal
Making it impossible to open

Plus, it was set to self destruct
Whoever read it probably died laughing
I wonder if they lived long enough to realize what happened

A year later, I came to understand
That wasn't love that I was feeling for her
I had someone else to obsess over
I was older and I was very mature

I forged my time signature
While practicing my parents autograph
'Cause I was failing math
Disconnected the phone when I thought the teacher would call my home

Checked the mailbox twice a day
At the end of a long dirt road
Steamed open a couple envelopes
Like I was in private detective mode

If you snoop around long enough for something in particular
You're guaranteed to find it
For better or worse, that's how I learned
It's best to just keep some things private

It was the best of times
It was the end of times

It was the best of times
It was the end of times
It was the best of times
It was the end of times

Best of times, the end of times
I was always on deck, I was next in line
An only child with a pen and pad
Writing a list of things I could never have

Walls in my house were paper thin
Every squabble seemed to get deafening
If my memory serves me correctly
I made it a point to void and forget some things

Probably to keep from being embarrassed
Never meant to upset or give grief to my parents
Kept my secrets, hid my talents
In my head, never under the mattress

Therapy couldn't break me
Never learned a word that would insure safety
So I spoke softly and I tip-toed often
The door to my room was like a big old coffin

The way that it creaked when I closed it shut
Anxieties peaked when it opened up
As if everything that I was thinking would be exposed
I still sleep fully clothed

It was the best of times

It was beautiful
It was brutal
It was cruel
It was business as usual
Heaven
It was hell
Used to wonder if I'd live to see 12

When I did, I figured that I was immortal
Loved to dance but couldn't make it to the formal
Couldn't bear watching my imaginary girlfriend
Bust a move with any other dudes

Tone Loc was talking 'bout a wild thing
But I was still caught up in some child things
Scared of a god who couldn't spare the rod
It was clearly a brimstone and fire thing

Pyromaniac, kleptomaniac
Couldn't explain my desire to steal that fire
Now I add it to my rider
Like, "Please, oh, please don't throw me in that patch of briar"

It was the best of times
It was the end of times

The school counselor was clueless
'Cause I never skipped classes
Perfect attendance, imperfect accent
Speech impediment they could never really fix
And I faked bad eyesight so I could wear glasses

Considered doing something that would cripple me
Wanted a wheelchair, wanted the sympathy
Wanted straight teeth so then came braces
Four years of head gear helped me change faces

It was the best of times
It was the end of times

Now I wonder if I'll live to see marriage
Wonder if I'll live long enough to have kids
Wonder if I'll live to see my kids have kids
If I do, I'ma tell 'em how it is

Don't listen when they tell you that these are your best years
Don't let anyone protect your ears
It's best that you hear what they don't want you to hear
Better to have pressure from peers than not have peers

Beer won't give you chest hair
Spicy food won't make it curl
When you think you've got it all figured out and then everything collapses
Trust me, kid, it's not the end of the world