Bitchin' in the Kitchen

Come single belle and beau,
To my words pay attention.
Don't ever fall in love,
It's the devil's own invention.
For once I fell in love,
With a lady so bewitching;
Miss Henrietta BELL,
Down in Captain Kelly's Kitchen.

With me
Toura loura lie; toura loura laddy
Toura loura lie; toura loura laddy
Toura loura lie; toura loura laddy
Toura loura lie; toura loura laddy

At the age of seventeen,
I apprenticed to a grocer,
Not far from Stephen's Green,
where Miss Henri used to go, sir.
Her manners were so fine,
She set my heart a'twitchin'
When she invited me to
Meet her in the Kitchen

On a shiny sunny day
We were to have our flare up
I dressed up firkin' gay,
I shaved and oiled me hair up
The captain was a bachelor,
and he had gone a'fishin'
So I began to humour her
Down in the old man's kitchen

With her thighs around my waist
She slyly hinted marriage
When to the door in haste
Came Captain Kelly's carriage!
I tried to run away, but was stuck there with my stick in
As the captain kicked the door in and came into the kitchen

Well the Captain came downstairs
Though he saw me situation,
In spite of all me prayers
I was marched off to the station.
For me they set no bail
Though to get home I was itchin'
And I had to tell the tale of how I
came into that kitchen

Well I swore she did invite me,
But she called me a liar
For assault she did indict me
And I was sent for trial.
She swore I did harass her
In spite of all her screechin'
And I got six months hard
For miss Henrietta bitchin'!