Battle Hymn of Marriage

Mine eyes have seen the laundry
Piled halfway to the moon
I wash and dry and fold
While he goes hunting until noon
I know Jesus is coming back
He better make it soon
Before I lose my mind

Lordy, lordy, I need patience
For all my wifely tribulations
Tie my hands behind my back
So I won't wring his neck
And I will carry on

Ever wonder what it is
That makes us all survive?
A job that goes a-way beyond
The simple nine to five
There are days I tell him that
He's lucky he's alive
While he sits on that couch
With the clicker
In his hands
And won't share

Lordy, lordy, I'm so tired
If this is a job just get me fired
I'm gonna need a whole lot of chocolate right away
So I can carry on

He's walking in the door from work
And stripping as he goes
I walk behind him picking up
A trail of dirty clothes
Let me tell ya, his black socks
Don't smell much like a rose
Oh, help me carry on

He's in the bathroom with a book
And staying much to long
He won't ask directions
Cause he knows where we belong
And I won't hold my breath for him
To admit he's ever wrong
How will I carry on

Lordy, lord you know I love him
But there are days I'd like to shove him
We said for better or for worse
And this must be the worst
Oh, help me carry on

Now y'all know there are two sides to every story
So, here we go

If I stop to think about it, Lord
I would realize
He puts up with just as much
I know how hard he tries
I could think of lots of reasons
Why I ain't no prize
And he still carries on

I used his razor on my legs
And never let him know
I go way too fast
And then complain that he's too slow
And when I'm right
I've used that awful line "I told you so"
But he still carries on

Lord, I'm not exactly gentle
When I nag and nag him like a yentle
I'm surely not submissive
And I wouldn't call me sweet
But he still carries on

I yell at him to eat less fat
And more of what is green
I say he needs to exercise
To become more lean
I take away his french fries
He says that I am mean
But he still carries on

Lordy, lordy, I'm no winner
Cold cereal again for dinner
Oh, teach me that a crockpot
Can be more than just a crock
So he can carry on

I talk to so much that I don't ever
Give him time to think
I've got a whole menagerie
Of stuff around the sink
There are days, I know it Lord
I push him to the brink
How does he carry on?

Lordy, lordy, this is scary
I'm not the girl that he once married
What makes him wanna keep me
And not just trade me in
To try and carry on

Now, this is where that unconditional, true love comes in

There's something kind of magical
In how he looks at me
With all the flaws and all the faults
He chooses not to see
A love that goes way beyond
Our humanity
And helps us carry on

Lord, this is part of your plan
By your grace alone will we stand
A less than perfect woman
And a less than perfect man

But love will carry on
Yes love will carry on