Christopher Columbo

In fourteen hundred ninety-two a sailor from Italy,
He walked the dirty streets of Spain and shat in every alley.
At that time reigned a fair young queen of Spain, named Isabella,
Who cast an amoroshus glance at Chris, the smart young fella.
He knew the world was round-o.
His balls did touch the ground-o.
That syphilitic, hypocritic, son-of-a-bitch Columbo.

Columbo went to the Queen of Spain and made a proposition,
But what she wanted most to do was fuck in the prone position.
The Queen of Spain then said to him she'd give him ships and cargo,
He said, "I'll kiss your royal ass if I don't bring back Chicago."
He knew the world was round-o.
The queenly cunt he'd pound-o.
That fornicating, royal-mating son-of-a-bitch, Columbo.

Three little ships set out to sea, each one a double-decker.
The queen she waved the royal flag, Columbo waved his pecker.
Columbo paced upon the deck, he knew it was his duty.
He took in whang into his hand and said, "Ain't that a beauty!"
He knew the world was round-o.
That sailors could be browned-o.
That dirty lecher, asshole stretcher son-of-a-bitch, Columbo.

Columbo had a second mate he loved just like a brother,
And every night below the decks they bung-holed one another.
The fourteen-year-old cabin boy, that dirty little nipper,
Shoved powdered glass right up his ass and circumcised the skipper.
He knew the world was round-o.
His pecker it was ground-o.
That bleeding fucker, weenie-sucker son-of-a-bitch, Columbo.

For forty days and forty nights they sailed the broad Atlantic,
Until at last for a piece of ass the whole crew it grew frantic.
A mermaid came a-swimming by, the crew let out a holler,
And when they tossed her back to sea she'd made ten thousand dollars.
He knew the world was round-o.
That tail-o could be found-o.
That navigating, masturbating, son-of-a-bitch, Columbo.

An Indian maid appeared on shore, Columbo soon pursued her.
The white of an egg rolled down her leg, the son-of-a-bitch, he screwed her.
And when he got back home to Spain to tell of his adventures,
Queen Isabella sucked him off, of course without her dentures.
He knew the world was round-o.
His dangling dong was crowned-o.
That syphilitic, hypocritic,
fornicating, royal-mating,
dirty lecher, asshole stretcher,
bleeding fucker, weenie-sucker,
navigating, masturbating,
son-of-a-bitch, Columbo.