Bell-bottom Trousers

Once there was a waitress at the Prince George Hotel,
Her mistress was a lady, and her master was a swell.
They knew she was a simple girl just lately from the farm,
And so they watched her carefully to keep her from all harm.

Bell-bottom trousers, coat's a Navy blue,
Let him climb the rigging like his daddy used to do.

The Forty-second Fusiliers came marching into town,
And with them came a complement of rapists of renown.
They busted every maidenhead that came within their spell,
But they never fucked the waitress at the Prince George Hotel.

Bell-bottom trousers, coat's a Navy blue,
Let him climb the rigging like his daddy used to do.

Next there came a company of the Prince of Wales' Hussars -
They piled into the whorehouse and they packed along the bars.
Many a maiden mistress and wife before them fell,
But they never fucked the waitress at the Prince George Hotel.

Bell-bottom trousers, coat's a Navy blue,
Let him climb the rigging like his daddy used to do.

Then there came a sailor, an ordinary bloke,
Bulging at the trousers with a cock of solid oak.
At sea without a woman for seven years or more -
There wasn't any need to ask what he was looking for.

Bell-bottom trousers, coat's a Navy blue,
Let him climb the rigging like his daddy used to do.

He asked her for a candlestick to light his way to bed,
He asked her for pillow just to rest his weary head.
And speaking very gently just as if he meant no harm,
He asked her if she'd come to bed just so's to keep him warm.

Bell-bottom trousers, coat's a Navy blue,
Let him climb the rigging like his daddy used to do.

She lifted up the blanket and a moment there did lie;
He was on her, he was in her in the twinkling of an eye.
He was in again and out again and fucking up a storm,
And the only thing she said to him, "I hope you're keeping warm."

Bell-bottom trousers, coat's a Navy blue,
Let him climb the rigging like his daddy used to do.

So early the next morning the sailor he arose
Saying, "Here's a 10-pound note my dear for the damage I have caused.
If you have a daughter, bounce her on your knee,
And if you have a son, send the bastard off to sea."

Bell-bottom trousers, coat's a Navy blue,
Let him climb the rigging like his daddy used to do.

Now she sits upon the dock a baby at her knee,
Waiting for them men-o'-war a coming home from sea.
Waiting for them jolly tars in Navy uniform
For all she wants to do, me boys, is keep the Navy warm.

Bell-bottom trousers, coat's a Navy blue,
Let him climb the rigging like his daddy used to do.
Bell-bottom trousers, coat's a Navy blue,
Let him climb the rigging like his daddy used to do.