Suicide

When my life comes to a close
I surely have to ask myself
Was it worth it? Did I do any good?
I hope the answer will be that I did the best I could

I remember my earliest years
A childhood filled with family secrets
That fuelled the anger that later ended in tears
I remember I fell asleep each night
with an open door and a light
always afraid of something that never appeared
But I guessed it might
I guess it's suicide

I remember how it felt to come of age
My brother died at the time
And it filled me with despair and a violent rage
I remember not being myself anymore
And changing into someone that wasn't here before
a sudden change that made me feel so very strange
so much I asked my parents if I could change my name
I guess it's suicide

I remember leaving home
And a newfound freedom that nearly killed me
being out there on my own
I had never felt so alone
I never did have a clue about what I wanted to do
so I decided to kill myself
And I nearly succeeded in doing it too
I guess it's suicide

What's left for me?
will the future me by enemy?
Will time turn on it's side and become a friend of mine?
I guess we'll see
I guess we'll see