The Worst Pies In London

A customer

Wait
What's your rush?
What's your hurry?
You gave me such a
Fright, I thought you was a ghost
Half a minute, can't you sit?
Sit you down, sit
All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks

Did you come here for a pie, sir?
Do forgive me if me head's a little vague
(What was that?)
But you'd think we had the plague
From the way that people,
keep avoiding
(No you don't!)
Heaven knows I try, sir!
But there's no one comes in even to inhale
Right you are, sir,
Would you like a drop of ale?

Mind you, I can't hardly blame them
These are probably the worst pies in London
I know why nobody cares to take them,
I should know,
I make them,
But good? No
The worst pies in London,
Even that's polite
The worst pies in London,
If you doubt it, take a bite

Is that just
Disgusting?
You have to
Concede it
It's nothing
But crusting
Here, drink this,
You'll need it
The worst pies in London

And no wonder with the price of meat
What it is
When you get it
Never
Thought I'd live to see the day
Men'd think it was a treat
Findin' poor
Animals
What are dyin' in the street

Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop
Does her business but I notice something weird
Lately all her neighbors' cats have disappeared
Have to hand it to her
What I calls,
Enterprise
Poppin' pussies into pies
Wouldn't do in my shop
Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick
And I'm tellin' you,
Them pussycats is quick

No denying times is hard, sir
Even harder than the worst pies in London
Only lard and nothing more
Is that just
Revolting,
All greasy
And gritty
It looks like
It's molting,
And tastes like
Well, pity

A woman alone,
With limited wind,
And the worst pies in London

Ah, sir,
Times is hard,
Times is hard