All I Want for Christmas

Well Santa had to close up his workshop
Sometime after Christmas '09
'Cause sadly the economy's a mess and jobs are hard to find
It's sad to see our holiday heroes
Struggling to just make a dime
But it's sink or swim, 'cause the times are grim
It's like a Christmas special in the unemployment line

Frosty got a job in a kitchen
And his boss is in a terrible mood
He said, "I swear I'm tossing you in the oven if you keep sweating in the food!"

Santa went to work in a coal mine
And the irony is perfectly clear
He's got zero toys for the girls and boys
I guess we've all been bad this year, but oh
Empty sleighs in the snow
All overrun with mistletoe
No magic reindeer putting on a show

There's nothing but coal in Santa's sack
'Cause he's workin' in the mines now and breakin' his back
"I don't know what I'm doing and I feel like a hack
And all I want for Christmas is my old job back
All I want for Christmas is my old job back!"

Tiny Tim got laid off in August
And he couldn't pay his rent anymore
So he bounced around from town to town
And now he's selling clothes at the Big and Tall store

Little Drummer Boy had a hard time
Just deciding what he wanted to be
He's a fat and lazy dirty wreck, just cashing unemployment checks
And now I hear he's working at the library

"Excuse me, can I-
Can I check out?
Can I-
Excuse me, can I-
I'd like to check out-
Sir, can I get some-
Excuse me, I'd like to check out some books"

But hey, it's a job, as they say
A lot of work for a little pay
And I only have one wish this Christmas day

There's nothing but coal in Santa's sack
'Cause he's workin' in the mines now and breakin' his back
"I don't know what I'm doing and I feel like a hack
And all I want for Christmas is my old job back
All I want for Christmas is my old job back!"

Workin' in the coal mine, Santa Claus
Got a great big belly gettin' stuck in the wall
Got a dirty beard and a nasty cough
From workin' in the coal mine, Santa Claus (St. Nick)
Workin' in the coal mine, Santa Claus (where'd you go?)
Got a great big belly gettin' stuck in the wall (this Christmastime we're all so low)
Got a dirty beard and a nasty cough (we need to know St. Nick)
From workin' in the coal mine, Santa Claus (where'd you go, where'd you go, where'd you go St. Nick?)

Santa Claus is workin' as a coal miner (where'd you go, where'd you go?)
Mrs. Claus is livin' off of tips at a diner (this Christmastime we're all so low)
The elves are in a sweatshop making jacket liners, oh no (we need to know St. Nick)
Workin' in the coal mine, Santa Claus (where did you go?)

Rudolph's whole career took a nosedive
Hanging out in seedy places at night
Now he spends his days making minimum wage
As the world's first living traffic light

Scrooge is bumming change off of shoppers
With a bucket and a donation bell
And in the finest twist of Whoville theater
The Grinch got a job as a Wal-Mart greeter

There's nothing but coal in Santa's sack
'Cause he's workin' in the mines now and breakin' his back
"I don't know what I'm doing and I feel like a hack
And all I want for Christmas is my old job back!"

There's nothing but coal in Santa's sack
But he's tightening up his belt and has a plan of attack
"I'm no good at this job, and my lungs are black
I swear this time next year I'll have my workshop back
Next year I'll be opening my workshop back
'Cause all I want for Christmas is my old job"