The School Mistress

The school mistress
La maitresse d'école
Traduction Andrew Kelly

At the school where we learned our letters, A B C,
Our mistress used the latest methodology.
What happy times those school-days, all too short, alas,
When our dear guardian angel came and taught our class
She came and taught our class.

Until that most happy day when she was put in charge
We all had been such dreamers, idiots, fools at large.
Because they had to work so hard for us poor louts
The rich suppliers of dunces' caps where quite worn out
Yes they were quite worn out.

The teaching methods mistress followed came to this:
She promised to the one who got first prize, a kiss —
A real kiss warm and tender on the mouth, quite hard,
A most abandoned kiss where there were no holds barred,
Where there were no holds barred.

In our class-room the change was startling, wonderful,
Not one of us played truant or missed a day at school
The poor suppliers of dunces' caps were driven first
To bankruptcy, then ruin and liquidation, bust,
And liquidation, bust.

When he read the examination marks that year,
The Principal's astonished smile stretched ear to ear;
Our mistress turned from pink to scarlet, how she blushed:
For every pupil scored First Equal, Grade A Plus,
First Equal Grade A Plus.

And at playtime our guardian angel kept her word,
Got ready and fulfilled her promise to each lad.
Since out of forty, forty pupils won the right,
Imagine, can't you, why the session took all night
The session took all night.

But there was disapproval from that man, that fool
The Regional Director placed in charge of schools;
In spite of her (his) remarkable results and fame,
She was dismissed and sent away in deepest shame,
Away in deepest shame.

Following her departure once again the dunce
Made a come-back replaced the former excellence.
The school-year after put us quite beyond the pale:
For all of us scored Last Equal, Double F Minus, Failed,
Double F Minus Failed.

At the school where we learned our letters, A B C,
Our mistress used the latest methodology.
What happy times those school-days, all too short I vow
When our dear guardian angel came and taught us how
She came and taught us how.