The Old Bear-Baiting Pit

Met her round the back of the old Bear-bating pit
Drinking gin as though your life depended on it
She said that "That's my tipple son, but it don't mean a lot to me."
She said, "There ain't no future in choosing life that I can see."
So we kissed upon the hilltop and we danced through the night
I guess that you could say that it was love at first bite
But I was seeing double, Hey presto! A poor man's ménage a trois.
And in the pale dawn drizzle I slurred my lovesick au revoir.
And then you sloped off to the bar

'Cause you're my gin-soaked lady
My single-serving baby
I loved it when you said you were mine
One night of drunken drama
With my Teflon-coated mama
And ever-after Dear, my heart is thine

Was there ever a young master as enamoured as I?
I sauntered round the hamlets with a glint in my eye
And as the menfolk cackled, my heart lay shackled on the floor
So I'll bid farewell to these non-starters and head back to my inamorata's door
But you'll never guess the spectacle that greeted my eyes
It was my lady with some other lonely lad between her thighs
And my wedding plans were smashed amidst the bedding that they trashed, so readily
So you can find another guy to wallow in your sty instead of me
But I'm joking, babe

'Cause you're my gin-soaked lady
My single-serving baby
I loved it when you said you were mine
One night of drunken drama
With my Teflon-coated mama
And ever-after Dear, my heart is thi-i-i-iiiine, Oh yeah!

You're my Circe, my Boudicca, my Juliet, my Jane
So damnably devoted to the grape and to the grain
And while I'm truly overjoyed that we could play this little game
I'm sure that come the dawn you'll have forgotten my name

So to you, beautiful maiden, I extend my good thanks
And wearily consign you to the memory banks
And with a wink and a leer I attempt to steer myself home
To spend the next ten days just gazing melancholic at the phone

But it won't ring, babe
'Cause you're my gin-soaked lady
My single-serving baby
I loved it when you said you were mine
One night of drunken drama
With my Teflon-coated mama
And ever-after Dear, my heart is thine
And though the tale is rather frightful
The cocktails were delightful
Of pain, fun, gin, rum, whiskey and wine