The Waitress Song

Hi, how're you doing?
Just a, ah... big breakfast and a large black coffee, thanks
Cheers
I love you

And there's a place I go for breakfast every afternoon
The coffee's rubbish and the bacon's always hard to chew
And the toast is always soggy
But I hardly notice
And the food takes such a long time to get made
Even when I'm the only person in the café
And my table's always wobbly
But I hardly notice

You're probably thinking, why would I even bother eating there
On a daily basis? There's heaps of other places on offer
I won't change to another place if the bacon is rubber
And the taste of the cuppa makes you pull faces and splutter
It's the waitress, I love her, the way she clears plates with a clutter
Makes my heart race and it flutters, I know it's crazy to love a
Lady that's basically just a stranger with an apron down her
Brother, I don't need to ask her name and number

'Cause this relationship is built on breakfast
I'm waiting on her just to wait on me

And there's a place I go for breakfast every afternoon
The coffee's rubbish and the bacon's always hard to chew
And the toast is always soggy
But I hardly notice
And the food takes such a long time to get made
Even when I'm the only person in the café
And my table's always wobbly
But I hardly notice

She says "Hi" to me, "Bye" to me, "That'll be five-ninety-five" to me
I don't really mind, that's all right with me
I just smile and eat, sometimes we mightn't speak for like a week
She knows during my quiet times I like to be alone
And write a poem with my headphones
Newspaper, bacon fried up, poached egg, slice of toast
A long black, but the beans are always burnt
And if the cup is dirty, she just cleans it with her shirt
I wonder if she's my ideal girl
And what would happen if we dated in the real world
Nah, I don't think it would work
I wouldn't wanna risk what we have and have to tip 'cause of that

Besides, this relationship is built on breakfast
I'm waiting on her just to wait on me

And there's a place I go for breakfast every afternoon
The coffee's rubbish and the bacon's always hard to chew
And the toast is always soggy
But I hardly notice
And the food takes such a long time to get made
Even when I'm the only person in the café
And my table's always wobbly
But I hardly notice

And it don't matter that the bacon I eat's cold
And it's okay the newspapers are weeks old
But I don't mind, no, it's fine 'cause she's all
That I'm there for
And it don't matter that the bacon I eat's cold
And it's okay the newspapers are weeks old
But I don't mind, no, it's fine 'cause she's all
That I'm there for

And there's a place I go for breakfast every afternoon
The coffee's rubbish and the bacon's always hard to chew
And the toast is always soggy
But I hardly notice
And the food takes such a long time to get made
Even when I'm the only person in the café
And my table's always wobbly
But I hardly notice