Hypocrite

Ayo, this is AK Donovan
Goin' on and on again
About the stuff they done again
Pissing off my mum again
Now my site's updated, I'm a smoke me a fag
By which I mean a cigarette, you Americans,
THATS BAD

Do I look like fucking Cecil
Well, rah I wish that I did
Cos he's a handsome devil
And I've have, like, better looking kids
Only joking, my unborn spawn. You're gonna be hot!
Unless I smoke too many reefers
and my cock drops off

Anyway, back to the point, which is me,
A-T-D
Adam N-A-R-K-I-E-W-I-C-Zee
Ex CV on my CV
Used to represent NBC, but
The boys from the band and the girl from the band
Well they do not talk to me
You see, they blew me off, cos they're all toffs
Or maybe really I forgot
The reason they was pissed was that I went solo
and murked off to Merkinland
to sign the dotted like with the swine I swored to swot
I stole the DJ, missed some gigs
Now I'm back on th everloving cigs

Cos I'm a hypocrite
Right up in the thick of it
Weed plus tobacco smoke, sweet like liquorice
Look at this
Fucking up again, it's unsightly
Just like me
That's why I have to do the right thing like I was Spike Lee

I keep it hidden like the ark of the covenant
But I told more lies than the motherfucking government
Now where your mother went?
I need to ask about that ark
Cos I can't be kept in the dark

Now the ark was made of shtting wood. No shitting.
Blood keeps dripping in the kitchen and I'm bitching
But I really should probably not be a popstar.
Might serve more use training as a doctor
Or maybe like a cop bra
My pop says that I should quit, he's like...
"You can't change shit with a hit, you tit"
And I admit that my chosen career is steeped in vanity
Humanity comes second, rah
I'm questioning my sanity

Granmamma be right
Profanity cannae be excused
Neither rouses to twos up your salary
But Valerie, way back in that valley,
she said I would be causing a calamity
I'M CAUSING A CALAMITY!!!

S'ah,
Fuck egality
I'd rather be Rameses
Falluses
Start building palaces on top of where Dallas is

Alice is right down that rabbit hole
And I'm in there with her
I'm all a quiver
But I really ain't got nothin' to give her
Except for all of the love in the world
I'll tell her chuck yer fella and I'll never ever want another girl

Cos I'm a hypocrite
Lier and a hypocrite
Fistfull of twattery I'm gonna stick my dick in it
I bet that you can batter me
It's more than likely
I'm like the Orlando Bloom to Kiera Knightly

Scrapin' at the bottom of the rap barrel
I'll be the new Chevy Chase, so fuck Will Ferrell
Slag you off for starting quarrels on my site every night
Then I'm the first to be like, "Why?" when this spite ignites fight
Sight's limited

I like to say I rule, but I best not
There's a reason Jeres called me a 'Myopic Little Despot'
Stuffing pickle tosspot
Lets not leave it now
Cussing at my housemates full pubic hair while I'm pissing in the sink
And I can't blame the drink
Cause the drink don't fucking think
That's supposed to be my job
And I'm feeling rather badly at the present
(i have no idea whats he's saying at this point)

And right, I moan about the environment
Then hardly recycle
I catch a cab to practice
Cos I'm too damn lazy to cycle
Might call makes from BITD
But then again, I might just let 'em off lightly
And I've still got five fucking pairs of Nikes!

I'm a...
I'm a...
I'm a...
I'm a...

I'm a hypocrite
Right up in the thick of it
Weed plus tobacco smoke, sweet like liquorice
Look at this
Fucking up again, it's unsightly
Just like me
That's why I have to do the right thing like I was Spike Lee

Baby, I'm a hypocrite
Stop asking about Natalie
You know I'm fucking sick of it
Paul says they'm a lock me up
Well, fuck it then. Fight me
I'm about to go join Richard Whitely