Petty Theft

It all started on a summer night, at a shady seaside saloon
A man walked in
Sat down at our table and he told us
The story that was the basis of this tune
Now we'd never seen his face before, but since he just came to port
We decided that we should hear him out; he seemed a trustworthy sort

Well, the governor's gold was being
Moved, you see, and was loaded on his ship!
The man only wanted a small cut for
His trouble, he said, "Just a little bit."
Needless to say
We graciously agreed, we were lookin' for trouble as usual
We decided when we'd go, and also where we'd meet
The job's execution would be beautiful. (Let's Rock!)

Well there we were
At the edge of the docks, waitin' for the guard to turn around
We saw our chance, then made our move
All without making the slightest sound!

We slithered up the plank, then down into the hold
We tore that place apart, but not one coin of gold!
We looked at one another; we all thought the same thing
How could this have happened? What were we to do?
Somebody talked, who found out, who, who!? WAS IT YOU?!

"There's nothing here! We've been sold out!"
"Something is Dread-fully wrong!"
"The man at the bar! It must have been!"
"I blame you, you brought us along!"
"Will everyone please just settle down!"
"Settle down?! We've been betrayed!"
"Well we got in, so we can get away!
For a group like us this should be child's play!"

We scurried 'round the room, no other way out
We heard the footsteps coming, the guards began to shout
Our heads began to swim, what were we to do?
How could we have been trapped by these blundering buffoons?!
"We needed to form a plan right now, if not now, soon!"

(Then,) BANG BANG BANG! A knock comes to the door!
One voice, two voice, three voice, four!
"Wait, wait, I hear a fifth! And they have something to say!"
How could this have happened, it must be foul play!

(They said,) "ALL OF YOU! Put your weapons down!
You're outnumbered, you haven't got a chance, stand down!"

"It was at that moment, we formed a little plot
All it took was eyebrows, a wink and a shared thought."

"And we said:"

We're the Dread Crew of Oddwood, who stands against us!?
Tonight we teach you a lesson! Tonight we spill your guts!
We don't care if you don't believe
Us, but this is how it all went down!
We flayed those pompous sons of whores, and sacked their fucking town!

If you hold your tongues, you'll get to keep them in your throats
And if you try to fight you'll be murdered on this boat!
And when we're through with you, we'll fucking ravage all your lands!
We'll beat your bloody corpses with your children's severed hands!

We stomped off to our places, all around the room
They looked at one another, oblivious to their doom!
We all looked at each other, we then began to shout
They mustered up their arms, they thought they had a chance
One, two, three, four, time to fucking dance!

We hacked and we slashed; fought our way back home!
Never found the treasure, but their blood's as good as gold!
We burned the dead men's carcasses and made out with their wives
And to this very day that was the best damn day of our lives!