I Was Hoping

As we were talking outside, it was cold.
We were
Shivering, yet warmed by the subject matter. My wife
Is in the next room
We've been having troubles you know.
Please don't
Tell her or anyone, but I need to talk to somebody.
You said, wouldn't it be a shame if I knew how great I was
Five minutes before I died?
I'd be filled with such regret
Before I took my last breath. And I said,
You're willing to tell me this now,
And you're not going to die

Anytime soon.
And I said I haven't been eating chicken, or meat, or anything and you said

Yes, but you've
Been
Wearing
Leather
And laughed and said we're
At the top of the food chain. And yes you're still a fine woman,

And
I cringed.

I was hoping,
I was hoping we could heal each other.
I was hoping,
I was hoping we could be raw together.

We left the restaurant where the head waiter (in his 60s), said
Good bye, sir.
Thank you for your business sir.
You're successful and established, sir,

And we like the frequency with which you dine here sir.
And your
Money.
And when I walked by, they said
Thank you too dear.
I was all pigtails and cords.
And there was a day when I would've said something like,
Hey dude, I could buy and sell this place,
So kiss it.
I too once thought I was
Owed something.

I was hoping,
I was hoping we could challenge each other.
I was hoping,
I was hoping we could crack each other up.

I too thought that when proved wrong, I lost somehow,
And
I too once thought life was
Cruel,
And
It's a cycle, really. You think I'm withdrawing and guilt-tripping you.
I think you're insensitive and I don't feel heard. And I said do you believe we are
Fundamentally
Judgmental?
Fundamentally evil?
And you said yes.
I said I don't believe in revenge,
In right or wrong,
Good or bad. You said well, what about the man that I saw handcuffed in the emergency room
Bleeding after beating his kid, and she threw a shoe at his head and I think what he did was wrong,
And I would have had a hard time feeling
Compassion for him.
(I had to watch my tone for fear of having you feel judged.)

I was hoping,
I was hoping we could dance together.
I was hoping,
I was hoping we could be creamy together.