Blood in the Water

Now when you choose a law career
The moment you embark
There is that joke you're bound hear
A lawyer is a shark

Ignore that, it's simplistic and it's dumb
Only some of you will turn out sharks, just some
The rest are chumps

Our topic is blood in the water
Kids, it's time you faced
Law school is a waste
Oh yes, unless you acquire a taste for

Blood in the water
Dark and red and raw
You're nothing until the thrill of the kill
Becomes your only law

Mr. Sholtz, hypothetical question
Would you be willing to defend
The following banker accused of fraud?

A kind old grandma took her savings and she sent it
Off to your client, all she saved since she was born
Well, he promised to invest it, but he spent it
On prostitutes and heroine and porn

No, I would not want to take that case

Wrong this one is a win unless you're lazy
Grandma's broke, she'll have some hack from legal aid
Put her on the stand and call her old and crazy
Your guy goes free and he can get you high and laid

Look for the blood in the water
Read your Thomas Hobbs
Only spineless snobs
Will quarrel with the morally dubious jobs

Yes, blood in the water
Your scruples are a flaw

Ms. Hupes, hypothetical question
Would you be the right lawyer for the following client?

Say, they offer you a bundle for defending
A famous hit man for the mafia elite
Seems he missed his chosen prey
Killed a nun and drove away
Running over three cute puppies in the street

What, you think I wouldn't defend him
Just because he's a typical man?
Oh, you lesbians think you're so up top
But

Oh dear, I fear my comment has offended
Hard to argue, though, when you're too mad to speak

Your employment will be very quickly ended
When they see how your emotions make you weak

So what's my point? I run a billion dollar law firm
And I hire four new interns every year
From this class I will select four young sharks whom I respect
And those four will have a guaranteed career, do you follow me?

So I wanna see, what?
Blood in the water
Exactly, let the games begin
Four of you will win

But just those four with the dorsal fin
Yes, blood in the water
So fight and scratch and claw

Yes, Miss Woods, Elle Woods
Someone's had their morning coffee
Would you summarize the case
Of State of Indiana v Hurn in your reading, please?

Oh, I wanted to answer the puppy question?
But I'm asking you about the assigned reading
Okay, who assigns reading for the first day of class?
You have guts, Miss Woods, Miss Kenzington

Let's say you teach a class at Harvard Law School
A position that you're justly proud of
But a girl on whom you call hasn't read the case at all
Should you let it go or?

No I'd throw her out
All right, then, you have heard your classmate
You have just been killed, she cut your throat, so grab your coat
Yes, you've got guts but now there's spilled your
Blood in the water

So would you please withdraw and if you return
Be ready to learn or is it unfair?
Oh, wait I don't care, that's just how I roll
In life and in school with fear and shock and gall

You're nothing until
Blood in the water
The thrill of the kill
Blood in the water

Becomes your only law
Blood in the water
Your only law
Blood in the water

Your only law
Blood in the water
Blood in the water