Sounding Brass

Society frowns on blowing one's own trumpet.
Bapapapapapapaa beebeebeebeebeebeebeeeeeee!
Oh for goodness' sake! Would you believe it?
But we've found a game that merits no rebuke:
If someone's got a tub, we're gonna thump it!
It's more fun than playing polo with the Duke.
The object is to Gunga-Din your neighbour -
I'm a better man than use the acid test!
So man the good ship One-Up,
Let's do a social ton-up,
And bang our status cymbals with the best!
Two, three, four...

Playing on the status cymbals, laying out the ready cash:
Bigger, better, newer, smarter,
Hear the status cymbals clash!
My phone number's ex-directory, should you wish to make a call.
Mine is even more exclusive.
More exclusive?
I won't have a phone at all.
You can always try cabling me: MIC FLAN, England.
I have colour television, though it can't receive a thing.
I've a midget tape recorder hidden in my signet ring.
(Hidden in my signet ring).
I've a laundress comes in daily to my flat in Marble Arch.
All my laundry's flown to Cairo...
Flown to - really?
... where they don't use so much starch.
I believe my butler's butler has appeared on 'Face to Face'.
I lost both my Botticellis when they robbed my country place.
I've been asked to sing at Salzburg in next year's 'Fidelio'.
I've been asked to screen Lord Denning - for security you know.
My car registration number's 1111 VIP.
All my garage doors fly open when I murmur 'sesame'.
My car horn goes ah-ee-ah-ee!
Your car horn goes ah-ah-ah!
I've just bought a Mini Super.
Bought a what?
A Mini Super!
Oh yes, I've got one in my boot.

Playing on the status cymbals, laying out the ready cash:
Bigger, better, newer, smarter,
Hear the status cymbals clash!
Hell has just been taken over by a friend of Charlie Claus;
We've acquired a private furnace -
Bigger, hotter, far, than yours!