Life Upon the Wicked Stage

Why do stage-struck maidens clamor
To be actin' in the drammer?

We've heard say
You are gay
Night and day.

Oh, go 'way!

We drink water from a dipper,
You drink champagne from a slipper.

Tho' it seems cruel to bust
All your dreams,
Still I must;
Here's the truth I tell you:
Ain't ever what a girl supposes;
Stage-door Johnnies aren't raging over you
With gems and roses.
When you let a feller hold your hand,
Which means an extra beer or sandwich,
Ev'rybody whispers: "Ain't her life a whirl?"
Though you're warned against a roue
Ruining your reputation,
I have played around
The one night trade around
A great big nation:
Wild old men who give you jewels and sables
Only live in Aesop's Fables.
Ain't nothin' for a girl.

Though we've listened to you moan and grieve,
You must pardon us if we do not believe you,
There is no doubt
You're crazy about
Your awful stage!

I admit it's fun
To smear my face with paint,
Causing ev'ryone
To think I'm what I ain't,
And I like to play a demi-mondy role
With soul!
Ask the hero does he
Like the way I lure
When I play a hussy
Or a paramour,
Yet when once the curtain's down
My life is pure,
And how I dread it!
Ain't ever what a girl supposes,
Stage door Johnnies aren't raging over you
With gems and roses.
If some gentleman would talk with reason
I would cancel all next season
Life upon the wicked stage ain't nothing for a girl!
You'd be back the season after!
I got virtue but it ain't been tested
No one's even interested
Life upon the wicked stage...