Planning My Death

I'm bad at making mistakes though I still make a lot of mistakes.
But I internalize the problem five times over
Until I can't seem to speak.
No goodbyes, I'll flee the scene
Start my perfect life as an imperfect loner.

I've been planning my death 'cause I wanna have a really good death.
I want heroism, mystery and courage.
Does anybody think about these things?
Every time I lay down recently
I've been overcome by nightmares filled with stabbings, guns and flames.

I'm disappearing, no one's saving me.
I'm running to the undertow 'cause it's inviting.
Not responding.
I'm in hiding, fighting off myself.

So "Kill Me Sarah," I get stressed out too.
I'm teeming with the regrets of constantly clinging to
the lonely, depressing.

I'm rebuilding myself.
Oh, I gotta have a way better self.
I'm starting by having conversations sober.
But even with the things I try to change, the only thing I want will stay the same
That someone will miss me when my life is over.