You Can't Blame a Girl for Trying

I realise that a beauty prize
Is something I never will take
I'm quite aware, neither pills nor prayer
Can rectify nature's mistake

I guess I'm an also-ran
Me with my gorgeous pal

Every time I try to get a man, he always gets away
Well you can't blame a girl for trying!
There was one who seemed to love me till I tried to name the day
Well you can't blame a girl for trying!

One guy almost married me the very night we met
Then he saw me in the daylight and he ain't stopped runnin' yet!
I may never get a sucker for this broken down brunette
But you can't blame a girl for trying!

Just the other day
In a small cafe
Oh what happened to me?
He was standing there at the bar
In his hand a big black cigar
He was clinging but not on a star
That guy was drinking like a fish

He looked kinda shy
I saw in his eyes
A gleam he could not conceal
He said "Have a drink"
Then I gave him a wink and answered, "It's a deal"

Down went the bourbon, down went the soda
Boy, I was feeling gay
Then he put his arms around me
And I said, "Take your hands away"

Then his wife walked through the door
Coming my way
That dame looked like six foot four
Coming my way!

She banged our heads together
Oh she was as tough as leather

It was murder, Jack, boy did she get rough!
It was murder, Jack, she started throwing stuff!
And when she punched me squarely in the jaw
You'll never know how many stars I saw
And round and round I went
Down and down I went
She stretched me out flat on the floor

Then she roared, "I'm out of ammunition!"
He was sore, so she called an intermission
I got up from my flattened out position
And I ran away

I didn't sleep a wink that night
Because my jaw was swollen tight
I had to call the doctor that morning
To see if everything was still all right
And when he opened up my mouth that morning
He said, "My dear there's not a tooth in sight!"

I'll never smile again
My smiling days are through
I'm always making up my mind to stay away from men
But when I see someone wearin' pants I get the same again
I may wind up in another mess but here I go again!

Well you can't blame a girl for trying!