Middle Class Problems

*Cheeky Banter*

I've got middle class problems
They always hold me back
The binman can't get down my coaley sack
There's bollards at the top to reduce congestion
It's these sorts of things that induce depression
I've got middle class problems
They're always in the way
The co-op no longer stocks lemon sorbet
This has left me a bit depressed
Now what will I serve my lactose intolerant dinner guest
I need to sow a hole in my sock up
It's four a clock on a sunday afternoon, what a cock up
Just like that calamity struck
Cause I just found out the haberdashery's shut
They've got all types of needles and lot's of cotton, any other time, not a problem
That's it, that's the end of it, case closed
Fuck it, I'll go and get some more socks from Waitros
Is that even a thing?
It's not exactly Asda
I might just cop some parma ham and a ciabatta
Plus it stays open 'til a reasonable time
I'll get some pie and feta for some peace of mind
I've got middle class problems
They always hold me back
The binman can't get down my coaley sack
There's bollards at the top to reduce congestion
It's these sorts of things that induce depression
I've got middle class problems
They're always in the way
The co-op no longer stocks lemon sorbet
This has left me a bit depressed
Now what will I serve my lactose intolerant dinner guest
In Bolivia, recently, time's have been hard
Cause people like me have raised the price quinoa
With our ceaseless demand
I'm a glutton for seeds
This has left the locals with nothing to eat
For a conscientious liberal
This is not a good look
Things would be abysmal but I've still got some couscous
All I wanna do is eat sensible carbs from an ethical harvest
It's led to some hardship
We've had a wet spring
I feel I'm getting jaded
My herb garden's looking completely devestated
The thymes alright cause it's quite robust
But the rest is just food for the locust
I've got middle class problems
They always hold me back
The binman can't get down my coaley sack
There's bollards at the top to reduce congestion
It's these sorts of things that induce depression
I've got middle class problems
They're always in the way
The co-op no longer stocks lemon sorbet
This has left me a bit depressed
Now what will I serve my lactose intolerant dinner guest
My neighbour explained that we're in a competition
To be the most pleasant street in the whole of Britian
Well, whoop de doo, shit the bed
Would I do the gracious thing and trim the hedge
I forgot
As you might have guessed he's fuming
I woke up to the sound of aggressive pruning
Ten minutes before the adjudicators arrived
Now he doesn't look me in the eye when I say hi
My soufflé flopped, my internets down, I've got a gay dog
(Flamboyant "Woff")
How did I let my life get this shit?
I've lost my Neils Yard lip balm, it cost twenty quid
"I could just get another one
But then if the original one then turns up then I've got two
And it's organic so I don't know if it's perishable
It might just go off, is that? I don't know if that happens."
I've got middle class problems
They always hold me back
The binman can't get down my coaley sack
There's bollards at the top to reduce congestion
It's these sorts of things that induce depression
I've got middle class problems
They're always in the way
The co-op no longer stocks lemon sorbet
This has left me a bit depressed
Now what will I serve my lactose intolerant dinner guest
*Indistinguishable bollocks*