Suicide Note

Starring at my food but I can not eat it
Laying in my bed but I am not sleeping
Crying in my room and I keep it top secret
Because people tell me they care but they do not mean it
I'm cut open, even thought I am not bleeding
My heart's broken, so Imma make it stop beating
Someone runs in the room and screams
"He's not breathing!"

I'm rushed to the hospital to have a Doc treat it
But he cannot beat it, there's no time at all
Cause I just popped some pills with some Tylenol
And 3 bottles of antidepressants, and Zam Booka
40 ounces, got killed I didn't puke up anything

There's no use in pumping my stomach
Cause I'll just do it again
I'm a lost cause so fuck it

Everyone with grudges towards me
Is gonna love this
The smiles on their faces when my death goes public

Cause I'm killing myself
Taking matters to my own hands
I can't picture myself as a grown man
I don't wanna grow up
I hate change and everything's just so
Rearranged

My life is nothing but a disaster
And time keeps going by faster
But in a second all that shit wont matter

Fuck this Imma kill myself

I act happy
But I wanna die, I'm not gonna lie
Thoughts of suicide keep crossing
My mind on a regular basis

Going crazy cause I'm going through bull shit
On a regular basis

Look me in the face, I'm sick in my eyes
Cause I'm sick in the mind

I've been wishing to die ever since I was 9
This isn't a lie
I don't bitch just to whine
Or bullshit just to rhyme about it

I don't cry just to spit
Just to try to quilt trip
Cause I could give two shits about your pity

I ain't trying to get everyone to feel bad for me
I'd rather dis everyone and make y'all mad at me
I ain't a happy person and I ain't that liked
Not even by myself
I know I ain't that nice

But people don't understand how much
I hate my life
Cause if they did they'd know how bad
I want to take this knife and be
Killing myself
Taking matters to my own hands
I can't picture myself as a grown man

I don't wanna grow up
I hate change and everything's just so rearranged

My life's nothing but a disaster
And time keeps going by faster
But in a second all that shit wont matter
Fuck this Imma kill myself

I quit, I'm bailing, I'm done
I finally give up
I'm sick of failing, I'm done trying to live up
To the expectations everyone has set for me
And trying to explain to myself
Always questioning about my destination
Fuck my destiny

No more relationships
My friends are all dead to me
My head is aching, and I don't have any energy
I'm patiently waiting for the day
That I can rest in peace
And this medication is the reason
That I don't get no sleep
It ain't worth taking
So I just take some ecstasy

Then hear my friends say
"You're a retarded fuck up."
Maybe killing myself will
Make you retards shut up

Cause I only do it once in a while
At times when I forget how to fucking smile
I hate being belittled when y'all act like you're
Looking out for me
If you were looking out of me then
I wouldn't about to be

Killing myself
Taking matters to my own hands
I can't picture myself as a grown man
I don't wanna grow up
I hate change and everything's just so rearranged
My life's nothing but a disaster
And time keeps going by faster
But in a second all that shit wont matter
Fuck this Imma kill myself

When the times comes
I'll be crying then
I'll have to get a hold of myself

Call all my friends, and say goodbye to them
Then get high and then
Call up all my friends again and say goodbye again
And cry again

Stop crying
Smile
Find a pen
Write down some last words
Somebody will find them when
I'm in heaven
Looking down on them
Or who knows
The way shit's been going maybe in Hell
Looking up on them
But either way I'm watching
I'm waiting their reaction

Suddenly someone walks in
Wait they ain't laughing
They read it and start crying
They actually do care
I'm shocked, I can't believe they're
Sad that I ain't there
They miss me

Man what a horrible mistake I made
And I can't take it back
It's way to late

If only I could relive my life
I'd re-make this song
Rewrite the hook and it would be like

Life's shit
but I'm taking matters to my own hands
I can picture myself as a grown man
I wanna grow up, and I can deal with change
Even if everything gets rearranged

Maybe my life's a disaster
and time keeps going by faster
But now I can see all that shit don't matter

Fuck that Imma live my life!