Ain't No Man

She's smooth as the gravel
on a roadside creek bank
Sweet as a flower
on a knotty pine casket

She's hot as the fire
on the end of a cigarette
Rich as a church's
Wednesday night basket

And there ain't no man
who can get his head around it

She's sharp as the blade
on a mountain man's knife
Sour as an apple
in a homemade pie
Mean as a snake
in a small town zoo

Ain't nobody
that could ever get to
her heart

She's bright as a moon
on a hungover morning
Clean as a mouth
on a welfare baby

She's slick as the leather
on a cowgirl's holster
Quick as a tongue
on a johnny-come-lately

And there ain't no man
ever gonna win that lady

She's pure as the water
in a golf course pond
Safe as a tiger
with a fifty dollar bond
Deep as a sole
of a worn out shoe

Ain't nobody
that could fall into
her arms

Proud as a loser
in a locker room
Sober as a drink
of homemade wine

Sturdy as a trailer
in a hurricane
Sweet as the smell
of turpentine

She's real as a movie
with a happy ending
Fickle as a bulb
on a dashboard light
Pretty as snow
on Easter Sunday
Silly as a girl
who can't make up her mind

And there ain't no man
who can look her in the eye

She's sad as a smile
on a birthday clown
Busy as a saddle
in a one horse town
Straight as a picture
on a blind man's wall

Ain't nobody
that can make her fall
apart