Boomerang Kids

Me and the hubby, planning on retiring
wanted some fun before expiring
little did we know, fate was conspiring
to dunk us in the soup
ruin our plans in one foul swoop
Some years ago, our son and our daughter
each bought a place in a fashionable quarter
then our son got into hot water
went and lost his flat
nowhere to live, so that was that
Boomerang kids, we had really missed him
Boomerang kids, hugged him and we kissed him
Boomerang kids, happy to assist him,
ever so glad
he calls it home
First few weeks, we hardly ever saw him
still, of course, continued to adore him
wondered if we really rather bored him,
but he's our son
got his own life when all is said and done

Being unemployed can not be easy
must be why he's grumpy, so we keep bright and breezy
tried to cheer him up with something hot and cheesy
which he won't eat
he's decided he's a vegan and allergic to wheat
Boomerang kids, he used to be so laddish,
Boomerang kids, now he's fussy and he's faddish
Boomerang kids, we're sick to death of radish
and we're taking Spirulina
Our colons are cleaner
There are some days when it doesn't feel like home
Middle of the night, rudely awoken
daughter on the doorstep, heartbroken
left her man after words were spoken
she brought the kids, too
had to take them in, well what could we do?

Neither of the teenagers likes conversing
the ten-year-old makes us watch him rehearsing
and though they're nearly four, the twins are still nursing,
don't like it one bit
friends won't visit 'cause they're always on the tit
Boomerang kids, everybody's wrangling
Boomerang kids, nerves are jangling
Boomerang kids, thoughts have turned to strangling
the kids play Motorhead
(Woo!)
We hear it when we go to bead
(Woo!)
We're sleeping on the sofa-bed
(Ow!)
Hard to believe this was once our home

You try to feed nine people on a pension
Someone took the car, and fucked up the suspension
fuck right off, we're not building an extension
cue derisive laughter (Ha!)
They say they're entitled to being looked after

Our son's comfort eating, he's a fat, lazy porker
our daughter has become her ex's stalker
bang go our plans of escaping to Mayoka
we feed them and we clothe them
happy to admit we absolutely loathe them

Boomerang kids, don't care if we upset them
Boomerang kids, where did we get them
Boomerang kids, God, we regret them
No wonder we're glum
we haven't got a crumb
We've moved in with mum
Sheltered housing in Brum
so from here on in, this'll be our home