Lizzie Borden

Yesterday in old Fall River
Mr. Andrew Borden died
And he got his daughter, Lizzie
On a charge of homicide

Some folks say she didn't do it
And others say of course she did
But they all agree, Miss Lizzie B
Was a problem kinda kid

'Cause you can't chop your
Papa up in Massachausetts
Not even if it's planned
As a surprise (a surprise)
No, you can't chop your
Papa up in Massachausetts
You know how neighbors love to criticize

Well, she got him on the sofa
Where he'd gone to take a snooze
And I hope he went to Heaven
'Cause he wasn't wearing shoes

Lizzie kinda rearranged him
With a hatchet so they say
Then she got her mother
In that same old fashioned way

But you can't chop your
Mama up in Massachausettes
Not even if you're tired of
Her cuisine (her cuisine)
No can't chop your mama up in Massachausetts
You know it's almost sure to cause a scene

Well, they really kept her
Hopping on that busy afternoon
With both down and upstairs chopping
While she hummed a ragtime tune

They really made her hustle
And when all was said and done
She'd removed her mother's bustle
When she wasn't wearing one

Now can't chop your
Mama up in Massachusetts
And then blame all the damage
On the mice (on the mice)
No, you can't chop your
Mama up in Massachausetts
That sort of thing just isn't very nice

Now it wasn't done for pleasure
And it wasn't done for spite
And it wasn't done because
The lady wasn't very bright

She'd always done the slightest thing
That mom and papa bid
They said, Lizzie, cut it out
So that's exactly what she did

But you can't chop your
Papa up in Massachausetts
And then get dressed
And go out for a walk
No, you can't chop your
Papa up in Massachausetts
Massachausetts is a far cry
From New York

You can't chop your
Papa up in Massachausetts
Shut the door and lock and latch it
Here comes Lizzie with a brand new hatchet

You can't chop your
Papa up in Massachausetts
Such a snob I've heard it said
She met her pa and cut him dead

You can't chop your
Papa up in Massachausetts
Jump like a fish
Jump like a porpoise
All join hands and habeas corpus

You can't chop your
Papa up in Massachausetts
Massachausetts is a far cry
From New York