Lavender

Right now, my mind state is irrational - I think back
But my past circulates around you...
All the pictures that I've deleted from my cell phone
I wish there was a button for my heart but thats a 'well, no...'
On second thought - this was crafted from our innocence
Been friends for so long this goes back to our youth...
You exemplified what a real centered sister was i never
Thought twice, liked or even pictured love
Walks around the lake take this pass let it go once
Dinner by the beach treat this season like a cold front
My heartstrings stayed protected when i played it slowly
We grew closer but in truth this was still platonic
I never thought about the future or the stage that it set
The page that was next checked this was based in respect
Until emotions started rushing it in
Falling for one of my best friends is this how it begins?

Whenever I close my eyes... I picture you
I'm saying 'good-bye' - I slip, I trip, I fall
I cannot stop no, not at all
Baby now can't you stay? Maybe we could make a way...

Whats love? that's the question that I ponder on
Jamming out to Chaka Khan head bob'n I nod along so
If I'm wrong let it go by and then pass me I stay
Lost to distract me I want her like I'm Gatsby...
But I know that It's poison and it's eating my soul so
If i take another swig then i could die from it...
Give me the bottle of heartbreaks anonymous
I take shots to swallow with my flesh bones and cartilage...
But I don't sink see I'm thinking in blots how many times
Have I thought that this train gotta stop but it wont...
Why? Guess I'm addicted to pain
I know that It's not good but It's sort of engrained in my mind
So when i say no my whole life's in reversal... and when i walk
Its like I'm standing in place...
How many times have I seen this - the cycle ensues
I'm lost and I kinda like it cause the ending is you... ooh...

Whenever I close my eyes... I picture you
I'm saying 'good-bye' - I slip, I trip, I fall
I cannot stop no, not at all
Baby now can't you stay? Maybe we could make a way...

I see a screen and the whole play's a rehearsal
The lights flash in a circle and I'm feeling the chills...
I got flashbacks to train tracks laid in Washington
I play back those late snacks matching cardigans trapped
Inside a dream like this whole thing was imagined...
So when I wake up my picture's still of you... See every time
That I hear your voice, name or reminisce on the places
We've been to it makes me feel like we're through...
So when I walk its like I'm taking on the both of us...
Hope, dreams and the scope of us... Same team but im over us
So I dont think about the big house and the kids
All the great things that we did that might impact how I live
Cause you're gone... And I'm tried of steady blaming myself
Matter of fact I'm tired of blame in itself
This is love... It's a train that I'm taking every time
I'm a passenger my mindstate is Lavender...

Whenever I close my eyes... I picture you
I'm saying 'good-bye' - I slip, I trip, I fall
I cannot stop no, not at all
Baby now can't you stay? Maybe we could make a way...