Wallowing

Sometimes I feel crazy like I lost half of my mind
moving out of decline without a latter to climb
and half of the time I feel like I'm actually fine
battling my personalities I have it in mind I have it in line
until I start to think I zoned off so long I forgot to blink
until my hands go numb and I drop my drink
and the bath keeps filling while I start to sink my heart just shrinks
while I drown in the tub
phone ringing but I can't hear the sound of the buzz
feeling like paradise after downing them drugs
I don't think it'll kill me but I'm down if it does
and as I drown in the silence
the phone ringing by the sink starts sounding like a siren
heard mama's voice saying this is real life shit
and boy I didn't raise you to be nothing like this
you better start fighting
and if you can't swing them hands little man
then you better start biting
you better start breathing
you've got a little brother
he needs someone to look up to and to believe in
you're too young to be leaving and you and the man up above ain't even
pain and regret
I'm laying right between them
I had ten drinks and I still haven't eaten
head keeps pounding
heart still beating
water starts bubbling as I start screaming
I climbed out the tub and I started dry heaving
thinking that it's time that I sorted my demons uh
I let it sink in until the moods gone
I'm done feeling hollow I've been wallowing to long
how can I sit and not bother to move on
when I got a dream and a father to prove wrong
I mean I gotta keep fighting this
I made it this far after all types of shit
still haven't grown haven't had a wife and kids
I mean I'm nineteen with a life to live
and sometimes it gets a lot harder than this
think it's no good for you but a part of it is
don't agree please pardon me then
and lord keep watching in case I fall off again.