Auntie Maggie's Remedy

Now there's all sorts of medicines that you can buy
No matter what ailment youve got
But I know a special one you ought to try
Youll find it's the best of the lot
Its my Auntie Maggies home made remedy, it's guaranteed never to fail
That's the stuff that will do the trick
Its sold at every chemist for "one and a kick".
Now if youve got lumbago, rheumatics or gout, or a pain in your Robert E. Lee
Don't kick up a shindy, you'll never get windy with Auntie Maggies Remedy
If you set your alarm clock for eight in the morning
Youre bound to wake up I'll agree
But I'll bet you by heaven, you'll wake up at seven
With my Auntie Maggies Remedy
In a young ladys bedroom I went by mistake
My intentions were honest you see
She shouted with laughter, "I know what you're after
Its my Auntie Maggies Remedy."
Oh my Auntie Maggies home made remedy, it's guaranteed never to fail
That's the stuff that will do the trick
Its sold at every chemist for "one and a kick".
Now when the baby starts crying, there's always a reason
And if you inspect him you'll see,
The poor little chappy has covered his nappy
With Auntie Maggies Remedy
Now I went to a doctor, I wasn't too well
And he made me lie on a settee
He said "there's trouble brewing, youve been overdoing
Your Auntie Maggies Remedy."
Now I know a girl who was putting on weight,
In a spot where it just shouldn't be
So I said to Nellie, "Now you rub your ankle, with Auntie Maggies Remedy."