(The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs ("Hairspray")

Front step, cha-cha-cha, back step cha-cha-cha
Side step, front step, back, and
Turn

Oh my god, penny, there's link
Link! I can't believe I'm really here auditioning!
I can't believe I'm really here watching you audition!

Front step, cha-cha-cha, back step cha-cha-cha
Side step, front step, back, and
Oh, amber, look at this motly crew! Oh
This town has sure gone downhill since I was crowned miss
Oh, mother not more ancient history!

Oh, my god how times have changed
These girls must be blind, or completely deranged!
But, time seem to halt when I was Miss Baltimore Crabs
Amber, that move is far too dirty!
Mother, wake up from that dream of yours, this isn't 1930!

You can laugh, but life's a test!
Don't do this, don't do that!
Remember, mother knows best!
And the crowns in the vault from
When I won Miss Baltimore Crabs
These steps are perfect ammunition

Let me show you how you mommy dear
Took out the competition
Girls, go get them, boys lets rumba!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
Those poor runner ups
Might still hold some grudges
They padded their cups
But I screwed the judges!

Those broads thought they'd win if a plate they would spin
In their dance.hahaha.not a chance
Boys, put me down!
Oh, good morning ladies, lets see what you got!
Twist, twist, twist, twist, mashed potato, mambo!

Ready, begin
On my show you'll never find a thrusting hip or bump and grind!
Whats that, a dance for flees and tics?
Oh, you should have seen my bag of tricks!

Oh I hit the stage
Batons ablaze
While belting aida
And preparing souflees!
But that triple somersault
Is how I clinched Miss Baltimore Crabs!

Proceed
Are you scared we're on live?
No, I'm sure I can cope
Well, this show isn't broadcast in
Cinema scope!

I never drink one chocolate malt
No desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs!
This one will never get a date in those hand-me-down clothes!
Ha kid, she'll never get a date
Till daddy buys her a new nose!
I would say
Oy gevalt!
If I wasn't Miss Baltimore Crabs

Do you dance like you dress?
Amber, there's no need to be cruel
Would you swim in an integrated pool?
I sure would! I'm all for integration! It's the new frontier!

Not in Baltimore, it isn't!
And may I be frank
First impressions can be tough
And when I saw you I knew it
If your size weren't enough
Your last answer just blew it!
And so my dear

So short and stout
You'll never be in
So were kicking you out!
With your form and your fate
Oh, it isn't your fault!
Just down with a case of
Miss Baltimore Crabs
Ergh you may go
Ummm thank you?

I think they secretly liked you!
May I please audition?
Of course not
But you can bow and exalt
Cause' I am Miss Baltimore Crabs!
Crabs, crabs, crabs