God, I Hate Shakespeare (Reprise)

Oh God, I hate Shakespeare!
That's right, I said it! (No!)
I do, I hate Shakespeare! (Why?)
I just don't get it, how a mediocre actor from a measly little town
Is suddenly the brightest jewel in England's royal crown

Oh God, I hate Shakespeare!
His plays are wordy, but oh no, the great Shakespeare!
That little turd, he has no sense about the audience
He makes them feel so dumb
The bastard doesn't care that my poor ass is getting numb

How can you say that?
How can you say that?
It's easy, I can say it, 'cause it's absolutely true
Don't be a penis, the man is a genius
His genius is he's fooling all of you

But he's brilliant, what majesty flows from his pen
His poetry soars like a sweet violin
God's own inspiration, like lightning, doth strike him
And he captures my soul
Ah jeez, you sound just like him!
Really? Thanks

You should hate Shakespeare
Oh, well, I don't, I try to emulate Shakespeare
Well, there's your problem, you're so blinded by the bard
Who's such a pompous little man
Why is it a problem to admit that I'm a fan?
'Cause he's a hack with a knack for stealing anything he can

How can you say that?
How can you say that?
The man really knows how to write a bitchin' play
You wish you could pen one
We wish we were in one
I just wish that he would go away

Well, that's not gonna happen
Because everybody I know says that he is the greatest writer that England has ever known
And that's another thing I hate about Shakespeare
Is all the twits who bloviate about Shakespeare
And how they prattle on about his great accomplishments

Well, la-di-da-di-da
And once they start their gushing there's no stopping on the menace
Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, Shakespeare
And he walks in his dum-da-dum-ta-da, Shakespeare
He's holding court and they say, "Will, you're such a genius and your writing is divine"
"A rose by any other name, it's such a clever line"

And they're all, ooh, and he's all stop
And they're all, yeah, and I'm all, ah
And I'm really getting sick of it
And oh, oh, oh, oh, I hate Shakespeare
I think by now we sort of know you hate Shakespeare
Schmakespeare

The way he feigns humility when all he does is gloat
The way he wears that silly frilly collar round his throat
The poster child for why no one should ever procreate
Let me make a shorter list and I will give it to you straight
Every little thing about Shakespeare is what I hate
He hates, he hates, he clearly, surely, very truly hates Shakespeare
Don't hate!