Did I Ever Wake Up?, Pt. 2

Chapter 3- The Dresser
Learning how to think.
I've always gravitated to the word "enlightened".
It seems to be destination in everyone's GPS but what does it really mean?
I believe the word is solely defined by whom you ask.
My definition of enlightened is an individual who can control his or her thoughts.
I'm going to share with you a method I designed years ago on my path to enlightenment.
You'll learn how I became the ringleader of the circus in my mind, but before we get onto that I must be blatantly clear.
I was not always living in a state of constant positivity.
In fact, for 18 years of my life I was an extremely stubborn person known for having one hell of a bad temper.
As child I spent a lot of time on my own.
The first portion of my life I grew up in the rural countryside of Corcoran, Minnesota.
I really can't imagine a more rounded place to be raised in than Minnesota.
Growing up there I got a taste of every season.
At 6: 30 am on a cold winter morning the last thing anyone wants to do is stand at the bus stop.
But we had to.
And furthermore we had to learn to enjoy it.
We lived on a 3 acre farmhouse with.
I neighbours in sight.
The only people that I know existed were my mom, dad, and sister.
My mother was a wholesome lady born and raised in the Midwest, my father a motorcycle -riding rebel without a cause.
The thought of the two of them being together was something like a blizzard in July.
They were Young and in love, but my father turned out to be more unfaithful than a gas tank on E.
And one day he ran out.
Not just from his wife, but from his children as well.
They got divorced and from this point on a woman would teach me how to be a man.
Between the ages of five and ten I did a lot of moving around with my mom and sister.
I didn't know it then, but we were jumping from city to city simply to survive.
At the time of the divorce my mom was working in the warehouse of my dad's trucking company.
When the marriage ended, so did her pay checks.
Not only that but my father was doing anything he could think of to avoid paying child support.
She now had two kids, no money, no job, no house, and no partner.
Mom was standing toe-to-toe with the biggest challenge of her life and refused to blink.
I'll never forget recieving care packages from my grandparents and eating oranges for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
This all just added fuel to the fire as she became more determined than ever to provide for her family and change our current circumstances.
The only thing to follow a problem is a solution.
Allegedly mom landed a great job, and we relocated to Bloomington, Minnesota.
This environment was very different than what I had been used to.
It's a very populated suburb that sits just south of Minneapolis.
It was built off interactions and relationships with others, which I had absolutely no skills at.
Assuming it would be easy for me to make friends, mom recommend I sign up for some sports at school.
So I began playing hockey, lacrosse, baseball, and golf.
Instantly I found myself surrounded by peers, but instead of making friends I made them my competition.
At this point, growing up without a father figure in my life began to affect me.
During practices and games I'd look around and see my teammates fathers cheering them on and in some cases even coaching the team.
I started to realise my family's situation wasn't exactly normal, or similar to most of theirs.
Since I spent so much time by myself, I never learned how to take a loss.
I had to be the best.
I needed to impress and outshine others.
I was very hard on myself, and in turn I would allow these emotions to boil up until I lashed out in fits of anger.
Episodes like this would follow me for many years.
At one point in school, my math teacher even recommended to my mom that I get tested for bipolar disorder.
I wasn't in control of my emotions.
They were being controlled by my thoughts.
I was very confused and determined to fix this, so I took matters into my own hands.
Here's what I came up with:
Inside my head sits a dresser.
You know, the kind of dresser you keep clothes in with top, middle, and bottom drawers.
Anytime a negative or undesired thought enters my head I immediately place it in the bottom drawer and slam it shut.
Then I open my top drawer and allow the thought erasing to begin.
That's where I keep all the things that can instantaneously make my happy.
It's like how a certain smells can trigger a memory or how a song can magically bring you back to a place in time.
We all have memories of past feelings that make up happy.
The goal is to place these memories in your top drawer.
The moment I open up my top drawer, vibrant colours explode into the air illuminating music notes, birds, paintings, Palm trees, oceans, and many other beautiful sights I've captured while travelling the world.
Within one second you can completely erase any negative thoughts by simply thinking about things that make you happy.
The ability to let go of memories is one of the most powerful tools we possess.
I can honestly forget about the initial negative thought immediately and you can to.
Over the years, plenty of people have told me they think I have a bad memory.
What these people don't understand is that I have a selective memory.
I choose what I want to remember.
If I decide to remember something, I'll be able to tell you everything about that memory until my dying day.
Chapter 4-I'm Selfish.
I really like me.
To say that you're dreaming right now would essentially mean no one else exists without your effort.
It's saying that you're solely responsible for creating everything in your life, and that without you the world would not exist.
That's exactly how you're supposed to feel.
I'm at the top of my list and I'm not afraid to admit it.
I'm not be least but ashamed and you shouldn't be either.
The word "selfish" has been abused and misused since its origin.
For some reason, we've attatched a negative connotation to this misunderstood word.
I'm here to restore its dignity.
By no means am I saying you shouldn't help out others in need, because in my opinion there's nothing more gratifying than being told "thank you".
What I'm saying is until you've helped yourself, you're not helping anyone else.
This is your life and it's time to start focusing on you.
The first song of mine that really caught people's attention was called "
No Girlfriend".
From the outside looking in it sounds like a typical rap song about being promiscuous with a bunch of girls and not being faithful with one in particular.
Let's take a closer look.
I've always had a vindictive personality to things I feel strongly about.
Whatever caught my attention at the time, I would submerse myself in it.
When I first saw Travis Barker play drums, I picked up drumsticks and studied every Blink-182 song.
When I first saw Danny Way air out of a half pipe I skated every day until my shoes had no soles.
When I first head Idea Freestyle I started to rhyme.
The same went for when I had feeling for someone.
The person wouldn't leave my mind for a second, and if I didn't know what they were doing at all times it would drive me mad.
Then came "
No Girlfriend".
I used to record in my mom's garage in Bloomington.
One night just as I was about to shut down the computer, I was hit hard with a moment of clarity.
I suddenly realised how significant it was to have yourself on point before you offer half of your time to someone else.
From here on out, I wanted to spend 100% of my time focused on me.
I'm a very career-driven individual, and when I understood this, everything began to click.
I would become successful in every aspect of what I was pursuing before entering another relationship.
I'm not saying you should push people away and become a loner.
What I'm saying is you have the choice to spend the maximum amount of time focused on your goals.
It's your call, but the choice you make will be the deciding factor in how long it takes for you to get what you want.
The more time you spend thinking about what you want, the faster you will get it.
I was so inspired by this wake up call that I had to immediately start writing.
The second I put my pen to that page it didn't stop moving until the song was completed.
The first sentence on that page was "no girlfriend till I make a million".
The reference to making a million doesn't have anything to do with money.
Rather it symbolises a form of success in the general public's eyes.
Within one hour, the song was written and recorded inside mom's garage.
It's my right to become successful and take advantage of the years I've been given.
Every dream you want to pursue is waiting for you to introduce yourself.
Now is the time to say hello.
The time to hesitate has passed.
I've always found it interesting that you can walk in to any establishment and see one thing about the employees.
Ages.
Old and young people all work under the same roof.
Your can go into any fast food restaurant and notice just as many people under 40 as you do over 40.
The older people are able to maintain a living and pay whatever bills they may have off the same jobs you can get as a 16 year old.
Spend your years chasing true ambitions.
You're never too old, and it's never too late to dive head first into the dream.