Jeanette's Showbiz Number

This gig's an echo of that time with Buddy Greco
When we did the Desert Inn in '59
The dancing girls were clunky
The drummer was a junkie
But we pulled the act together
And we killed 'em every time

That having been said, frankly
I think that things are worse here
That guy and his head are gonna need
Some kind of nurse here
It's like a friggin' curse here
Things could be better -
So sue me, it's the truth
Things could be better 'round here

It's an attitude problem
Seen it a million times

I was subbing with Stan Kenton
In this seedy club in Trenton
When I heard my third divorce
Had just gone through
I coulda torn my heart out
But instead I got my chart out
And I gave 'em all a lesson
In the way to play the blues

That having been said
Something is even more morose here
Just looking ahead's making me feel
Real gross here
We aren't even close here
Things could be better
Could they get any worse? I don't think so
Things could be better 'round here

It's like a putz museum
A showbiz mausoleum
Things could be better 'round here

There's a problem with the timing
There's a problem with the groove
There's an overwhelming lethargy
Nothing can improve

You can sense defeat get closer
Every time they add a move
There's only six days
Where am I? Don't worry, I'll get it
Who are you?

This guy needs a helmet
That guy needs some lipo
And I could use some Geritol delivered in a hypo
But I don't wanna gripe -

Oh -
Things could be better
You bet your ass they could
Things could be better 'round here
Now let me just tell you something

I've played for hoofers who can't hoof
I've played for tone-deaf singers
And once, when I insulted Frank
I played with broken fingers

I've paid my dues
I know the blues -
Of this I can assure you
So now I'll say it one last time
'Cause I don't want to bore you
I've got some bad news for you

Things could be better
Things could be better
They really could be better

Let's face it, we suck
We're deep down in the ditch, man
This showbiz is a bitch, man
Things could be better

We could be better
Things could be better 'round -

You know what Kate Smith used to say about a bad rehearsal?
Usually means a bad performance
Here!