Making Things Up Again

"And lo!", the Lord said unto the Nephites
"I, uh—I know you're really depressed
What with all your AIDS and everything
But there is an answer in Christ"

(You see? This book can help us!)
I just told a lie
No, wait—I didn't lie
I just used my imagination...
And it worked!

You're making things up again, Arnold
(But it worked, dad!)
You're stretching the truth again
And you know it

Don't be a fibbing Fran, Arnold
(Joseph Smith?)
'Cause a lie is a lie
(It's not a lie!)

You're making things up again, Arnold
(Oh, conscience!)
You're taking the holy word and adding fiction
Be careful how you proceed, Arnold
When you fib, there's a price

Ahh, this it bullshit!
The story that I've been told is that the way to cure AIDS
Is by sleeping with a virgin!
I'm going to go and rape a baby

What? Oh my—no, you can't do that! No!
Why not?
Because that is definitely against God's will
Says who?
Where in that book of yours
Does it say anything about sleeping with a baby, eh?
Nowhere!

"Uh, behold!", the Lord said to the Mormon prophet, Joseph Smith
"You shall not have sex with that infant!"
"Lo!", Joseph said, "Why not, Lord? Huh, why not?"
And Lord said, "If you lay with that infant you shall...
Burn in the fiery pits of Mordor!"

(Really?)
Uh-huh, uh-huh!
"A baby cannot cure your illness, Joseph Smith
I shall give unto you... a frog!"
And thus, Joseph laid with the frog and his AIDS was no more!
(Ooh!)

You're making things up again, Arnold
You're recklessly warping the words of Jesus
You can't say what you want, Arnold
(Come on, Hobbits!)
You're digging yourself a deep hole

I'm making things up again, kind of
But this time it's helping a dozen people
It's nothing so bad, because this time
I'm not committing a sin
Just by making things up again—right?
(No!)

Elder Cunningham, you have to stop him!
What? What is it?
Gotswana is going to cut off his daughter's clitoris!
Huh?

This is all very interesting
But women have to be circumcised if that's what the General wants
No, doing that to a lady is definitely against Christ's will
How do you know? Christ never said nothin' 'bout no clitoris
Yes, yes he did!

In ancient New York
Three men were about to cut off a Mormon woman's clitoris
But right before they did, Jesus had...
Boba Fett turn 'em into frogs!
(Frogs?)
(You mean like the frogs that got fucked by Joseph Smith?)
Right, right—like those frogs
For a clitoris is holy amongst all things, said He!

You're making things up again, Arnold (we're learning the truth!)
You're taking the holy word and adding fiction (the truth about God!)
Be careful how you proceed, Arnold
When you fib, there's a price (we're going to paradise!)

Who would have thought I'd have this magic touch?
Who'd have believed I could man up this much?
I'm talking, they're listening—my stories are glistening
I'm gonna save them all with this stuff

You're making things up again, Arnold
(Elder Cunningham!)
You're making things up again, Arnold
(Holy prophet man!)
You're making things up again, Arnold
(Our savior!)

You're making things up again...
(Hm, up again making things you are)
Arnold!