There! Right There!

There! Right there!

Look at that tan, well-tended skin!
Look at the killer shape he's in!
Look at that slightly stubbly chin!
Oh, please, he's gay
Totally gay!

I'm not about to celebrate
Every trait could indicate
A totally straight expatriate
This guy's not gay, I say, not gay

That is the elephant in the room
Well, is it relevant to assume
That a man who wears perfume
Is automatically, radically fay?

But look at his quoft and crispy locks
Look at his silk, translucent socks
There's the eternal paradox
Look, what we're seeing! (What are we seeing?)
Is he gay? (Of course he's gay)
Or European?

Gay or European?
It's hard to guarantee it
Is he gay or European?

Whoa, hey, don't look at me!
You see, they bring their boys up different
In those charming foreign ports
They play peculiar sports
In shiny shirts and tiny shorts!
Gay or foreign fella?
The answer could take weeks!

They both say things like, "Ciao, bella"
While they kiss you on both cheeks
(Oh please, he's gay) gay or European?
So many shades of gray!
Depending on the time of day
The French go either way!
Is he gay or European?
Or there! Right there!

Look at that condescending smirk
Seen it on every guy at work!
That is a metro-hetro jerk
That guy's not gay, I say, no way!

That is the elephant in the room
Well, is it relevant to presume
That a hottie in that costume

Is automatically, radically (ironically, chronically)
Certainly, certainly (genetically, medically)
Gay, officially gay! Especially gay, gay, gay, gay!
Dammit!

Gay or European? (So stylish and relaxed!)
Is he gay or European? (I think his chest is waxed!)
But they bring their boys up different there
It's culturally diverse!
It's not a fashion curse
If he wears a kilt or bears a purse!
Gay or just exotic?
I still can't crack the code!

Yeah, his accent is hypnotic
But his shoes are pointy-toed! (Haa)
Gay or European?
So many shades of gray!
But, if he turns out straight
I'm free at eight on Saturday!

Is he gay or European?
Gay or European?
Gay or Euro

Wait a minute!
Give me a chance to crack this guy
I have an idea I'd like to try (floor is yours)
So, Mr. Argitacos
This alleged affair with Mrs. Windam
Has been going on for? (Two years)
And your first name again is? (Nicos)
And your boyfriend's name is? (Carlos)

Sorry! I misunderstand!
You say boyfriend! I thought you say best friend!
(Carlos is my best friend) you bastard
You lying bastard
That's it! I no cover for you no more
Peoples! I have a big announcement

This man is gay and European (whoa!)
And neither is his place (whoa!)
You've got to stop your being a completely closet case! (No!)
It's me, not her he's seeing!
No matter what he say!
I swear he never, ever, ever swing the other way!
You are so gay, you big parfait!
You flaming one-month cabaret! (I'm straight!)
You were not yesterday!
So, if I may, I'm proud to say

He's gay (and European)
He's gay (and European!)
Please gay (and European and gay!)
Fine, okay, I'm gay! (Hooray!)



Credits
Writer(s): Laurence O'keefe, Nell Benjamin
Lyrics powered by www.musixmatch.com

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